A few issues come to mind... first is this comees across as a Doujutsu hate fic. Everything seems oriented as hating the eyes.
One of the main reasons for this is that so very many of them were in range to be effected. Now, I haven't seen a map showing its relative location to Leaf, but I'm pretty sure that the Forest of Death is several kilometers from Leaf proper. Meaning out of range of the White Eye for the most part. So only the super stronger ones could actually see the battle in the first place unless you let the 9-tails get far closer than in canon. I think one of the reasons the Hyuuga is such a large clan is simply because their powers (chakra sight and melee range attacks, they seem to avoid ranged chakra attacks like a plague, possibly to avoid blinding their eyes at least temporarily, from their own attacks) are such a mismatch to fighting a biju that they were left on guard duty. The Leaf knew what kind of causualties a Biju inflicts and wanted a home guard for the follow up attacks by rival villages. Also, the thing holding the Hyuuga backs is tradition... specifically as inflicted by the ultraconservative elders. Which are under no circumstances going to be in range of the Buji or the Giant of Light. So taking out most/many of the clans' eys is ultimately a useless act for foward advancement.... the problem will be fuly intact and still there.
The Red Eye issues are more open to debate. First problem is that even though they are apparently a major part of the village on coat tails of their reported ability to control biju with their eyes, not a single (non-Mandara) Utciha seems to have gotten anywhere near the Kyubi while it rampaged. A lot of this can be explained away by them being the police force and Biju attacks and aura cause glorious amounts of panic... another part is that the actually move that lets them control said Kaiju is from the betrayal monkey half of the family and they all went off with Mandara... meaning they didn't actually have anyone capable of the move at the time.
In short, without dropping the Kyubi in the village and bypassing the ninja blockade around Kohona in the first place both those Clan slaughters seem counter logical. Both these Clans managed to avoid taking causalties like the rest of the villages Clans, by simple virtue of not being involved. However, in order to pull off your scenario your going to need to explain this scenario in a way that explains this away.
First, I'd suggest making the Fourth Hokage out of town that week and the issue resolved before he can get back. Maybe have the defensive plans influenced by Danzo's clever plan... 'clever' in exactly the way that solid, granite bricks float. Possibly intentionally so... Even then your going to run into the issue of who survives instead. Why no one could see the Epic Battle well enough to tell what happened.... and of course GL is a two man show... so someone has to be the second pilot.
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I agree with the crapsack world view... the main thing that avoids that in canon is the Fourth. First, he pwns the Rock villages impression of a Mongol hoard... likely averting a Dark Age basically single handedly. Then he manages to screw up the Great and Powerful Plan: Moon the Kyubi! For Great Justice! It doesn't hurt that Mist is so trigger happy that it keeps declaring open war on its own super weapons in ginormous fits of paranoia.
Come to think of it... Outside of Leaf only Cloud really seems to have its act anywhere near together.
One of the main reasons for this is that so very many of them were in range to be effected. Now, I haven't seen a map showing its relative location to Leaf, but I'm pretty sure that the Forest of Death is several kilometers from Leaf proper. Meaning out of range of the White Eye for the most part. So only the super stronger ones could actually see the battle in the first place unless you let the 9-tails get far closer than in canon. I think one of the reasons the Hyuuga is such a large clan is simply because their powers (chakra sight and melee range attacks, they seem to avoid ranged chakra attacks like a plague, possibly to avoid blinding their eyes at least temporarily, from their own attacks) are such a mismatch to fighting a biju that they were left on guard duty. The Leaf knew what kind of causualties a Biju inflicts and wanted a home guard for the follow up attacks by rival villages. Also, the thing holding the Hyuuga backs is tradition... specifically as inflicted by the ultraconservative elders. Which are under no circumstances going to be in range of the Buji or the Giant of Light. So taking out most/many of the clans' eys is ultimately a useless act for foward advancement.... the problem will be fuly intact and still there.
The Red Eye issues are more open to debate. First problem is that even though they are apparently a major part of the village on coat tails of their reported ability to control biju with their eyes, not a single (non-Mandara) Utciha seems to have gotten anywhere near the Kyubi while it rampaged. A lot of this can be explained away by them being the police force and Biju attacks and aura cause glorious amounts of panic... another part is that the actually move that lets them control said Kaiju is from the betrayal monkey half of the family and they all went off with Mandara... meaning they didn't actually have anyone capable of the move at the time.
In short, without dropping the Kyubi in the village and bypassing the ninja blockade around Kohona in the first place both those Clan slaughters seem counter logical. Both these Clans managed to avoid taking causalties like the rest of the villages Clans, by simple virtue of not being involved. However, in order to pull off your scenario your going to need to explain this scenario in a way that explains this away.
First, I'd suggest making the Fourth Hokage out of town that week and the issue resolved before he can get back. Maybe have the defensive plans influenced by Danzo's clever plan... 'clever' in exactly the way that solid, granite bricks float. Possibly intentionally so... Even then your going to run into the issue of who survives instead. Why no one could see the Epic Battle well enough to tell what happened.... and of course GL is a two man show... so someone has to be the second pilot.
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I agree with the crapsack world view... the main thing that avoids that in canon is the Fourth. First, he pwns the Rock villages impression of a Mongol hoard... likely averting a Dark Age basically single handedly. Then he manages to screw up the Great and Powerful Plan: Moon the Kyubi! For Great Justice! It doesn't hurt that Mist is so trigger happy that it keeps declaring open war on its own super weapons in ginormous fits of paranoia.
Come to think of it... Outside of Leaf only Cloud really seems to have its act anywhere near together.