Excellent though the work is, and despite the apparently considerable amount of prereading it underwent, a few errors did slip through. To wit:
Near the end of the hire-the-Sabers scene, Lisa picks up and opens a "manilla envelope"; that should be "manila". Both spellings occur in my dictionary, but Google finds over four million mentions of the single-L version and only about a quarter of a million mentions of the double-L form, which is conclusive enough for me.
Shortly after the scene break from the Sabers about to descend through the eye of the storm, the word "lightning" is missing an N.
In the departure scene, there is
Finally, in Hiroe's final scene: Eternal Sailor Mercury. Despite the somewhat common appearance of the idea in fandom, there is no indication (in the anime, at least) that any of the Senshi other than Sailor Moon even *have* an Eternal form; they leave off at Super. There may be something present in the manga, but I don't remember anything from the last time I read it, which admittedly was awhile ago.
Not all of these are strictly errata, I'll admit, but I thought they were all worth pointing out. I also don't claim this to be a comprehensive list; it's only the things I noticed and remembered to write down, and there may well be others I missed. If anyone knows of any other technical nitpicks in the chapter, this would be where to mention them...
Also, Bob, it might be a good idea to update the progress description; the chapter is no longer in final preread, after all. I'd say that by now it's "out".
Near the end of the hire-the-Sabers scene, Lisa picks up and opens a "manilla envelope"; that should be "manila". Both spellings occur in my dictionary, but Google finds over four million mentions of the single-L version and only about a quarter of a million mentions of the double-L form, which is conclusive enough for me.
Shortly after the scene break from the Sabers about to descend through the eye of the storm, the word "lightning" is missing an N.
Quote:The repetition of "will" doesn't flow well for me; I'd suggest something like "it won't be long before those with free will outnumber those without.".
there's now a critical mass of infected boomers,
White. Those with free will soon will outnumber those without.
In the departure scene, there is
Quote:followed later by
"Doug!" Aquarius called out, and reached out to wrap a hand the
size of a baseball mitt around my own gloved hand. "Got your
message and I knew I had to see you off."
Quote:I'd suggest inserting a "once more" in the second occurrence somewhere.
As she wrestled her feelings into some semblance of control,
Aquarius stepped forward and folded his gunmetal-blue hand around
Doug's gloved one. "Take care of yourself, my friend."
Quote:As this stands, the "both" is dangling - both to do that, and what else? You need to either add a second referent, or drop the "both".
If only she had something more subtle,
some kind of specially-trained "tiger team" that she could trust
both to handle jobs like this with competence and discretion...
Finally, in Hiroe's final scene: Eternal Sailor Mercury. Despite the somewhat common appearance of the idea in fandom, there is no indication (in the anime, at least) that any of the Senshi other than Sailor Moon even *have* an Eternal form; they leave off at Super. There may be something present in the manga, but I don't remember anything from the last time I read it, which admittedly was awhile ago.
Not all of these are strictly errata, I'll admit, but I thought they were all worth pointing out. I also don't claim this to be a comprehensive list; it's only the things I noticed and remembered to write down, and there may well be others I missed. If anyone knows of any other technical nitpicks in the chapter, this would be where to mention them...
Also, Bob, it might be a good idea to update the progress description; the chapter is no longer in final preread, after all. I'd say that by now it's "out".