You're right. As it stands, the second section does not convey the implications you want it to have. I read it before scrolling back to see the first part of your message...and yeah, I totally did not get the idea.
So.
I'm not entirely sure how to go about fixing it, however. Your style is distinctly different from mine, and I don't know your characters. Obviously.
That said, if I were doing it, I'd devote a little more space to the section...it's the sort of subtext that perhaps could use a few more lines to really draw out.
You might also want to begin the scene with Catty approaching Miyu, rather than the other way around. It wouldn't need a major restructuring, just the addition of a new start: Catty comes up to Miyu, makes some sort of...I dunno, knowing comment. THEN Miyu reacts badly, rounding on Catty like in your present draft.
This way...Miyu's reacting. She's not the one who started the confrontation.
You wanted Catty to hint that she knows what Miyu did. Having Catty be the one to start that scene, places her in the role of the challenger. The accuser. "I know what you did". It's the sort of subtle framing shift that helps convey the idea.
You may also want to recast that scene, in general, as slightly more from Catty's point of view, not Miyu's. Use Catty as the viewpoint character - you can get away with that, this is third-person omniscient. Doesn't have to be full-fledged viewpoint, but bias it a little more towards Catty.
Why? Well, the "camera" remains on Catty once Miyu storms away, and what you want to end on is Catty's puzzlement. You want the reader to associate with that puzzlement.
Or something.
I hope this helps...
-- Acyl
So.
I'm not entirely sure how to go about fixing it, however. Your style is distinctly different from mine, and I don't know your characters. Obviously.
That said, if I were doing it, I'd devote a little more space to the section...it's the sort of subtext that perhaps could use a few more lines to really draw out.
You might also want to begin the scene with Catty approaching Miyu, rather than the other way around. It wouldn't need a major restructuring, just the addition of a new start: Catty comes up to Miyu, makes some sort of...I dunno, knowing comment. THEN Miyu reacts badly, rounding on Catty like in your present draft.
This way...Miyu's reacting. She's not the one who started the confrontation.
You wanted Catty to hint that she knows what Miyu did. Having Catty be the one to start that scene, places her in the role of the challenger. The accuser. "I know what you did". It's the sort of subtle framing shift that helps convey the idea.
You may also want to recast that scene, in general, as slightly more from Catty's point of view, not Miyu's. Use Catty as the viewpoint character - you can get away with that, this is third-person omniscient. Doesn't have to be full-fledged viewpoint, but bias it a little more towards Catty.
Why? Well, the "camera" remains on Catty once Miyu storms away, and what you want to end on is Catty's puzzlement. You want the reader to associate with that puzzlement.
Or something.
I hope this helps...
-- Acyl