ROTFL: MAO!

[Jorlem]

John Biles on the Endless Eight:

---

It was like going to have a nice drink of water and having it be battery acid, so then you KEEP DRINKING THE BATTERY ACID over and over because you think THIS TIME it won't be battery acid, right?

Posted in Shadowjack's IWIW thread. Link
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

All of chapter 36 of Uninvited Guests.
Moczo pretty much nailed Aizen's character, in my opinion.  It's just that the others aren't taking him as seriously here as they do in canon.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

It was roughly 0100 hours when I arrived at the address
listed for Genya Nakajima, the man I understood to be responsible for
the housing of my sisters. As I entered the property, I immediately
began to take note of environmental factors, noticing several which I
deemed possibly relevant to my new living situation. There was no
visible flight combat simulator, which would hamper my training efforts.
There appeared to be some sort of small humanoid creature in the
garden, which I initially took for a new model of unison device, but
which further study revealed to be some sort of wooden idol of an
elderly gentleman. Still, it would have been an excellent site for a
hidden surveillance device, and so I elected to check the inside for any
sort of hidden equipment. I found none. I was not able to restore the
statue to intact condition with the limited tools on hand.
Satisfied
with this contribution to the security of the premises, I proceeded to
the main door. I had, in the past, been told by my sisters that my
manner was blunt and occasionally inconsiderate. Given that some of
those living in this home would have little reason to welcome me warmly,
I elected to begin my new residence in a considerate manner. Ringing
the doorbell at this late hour would wake the entire household, and
would be considered rude. I instead elected to be considerate and enter
the building quietly and without disturbing anyone, as a show of good
faith. I was able to accomplish this relatively easily by picking the
lock on the front door and severing the power source for the on-site
alarm system.
Yes, I thought in satisfaction. This will clearly show all involved that I mean no harm.

From chapter one of Ready, Sette, Go!

-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

'Sohryu has her own issues. There is still the matter of your punishment.'
Someone stepped out from behind Gendo. He too wore glasses, which glinted in the lightless void. 'Yo, Ikari. Been a while, yeah?' Kensuke Aida waved cheerfuly. A wide grin was on his face. He wore military fatigues.
"Oh you have got to be kidding me." Shinji muttered.
'Oh, don't be like that, buddy. I've got a great idea this time. It'll help!'
"I hate you all. Seriously."

From Points of Familiarity, chapter 3.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

I followed my sister out of the kitchen and back into the
living room, where she said, "Okay, I'm going to go take care of this
situation for ya. You just sit in here until I come get you." She then
gestured to the chair I had spent most of the night in, indicating I sit
in it.
"Yes, I am capable of doing that." I said,
knowing for a fact that I was able to perform to her expectations in
this matter. I could, if necessary, remain seated in the chair in
question for several hours without a noticeable degradation of my
capabilities.

From chapter two of Ready, Sette, Go!
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[OpMegs]

Posted from the RPG.net thread for "Nobody Dies", upon someone's request for a summary of canon!NGE's plotline:

Academic mad scientist Kouzou Fuyutsuki is attracted to his student,
psycho bitch Yui Ikari, but she thinks that wild-eyed Gendo Rokubunji
would provide better seed-stock for her attempts to create immortality
through her children. However, Yui Ikari, being herself a full-fledged
mad scientist, figures out that she can also create immortality
through the old established "not dying" trick, and sets about to build a
giant robot in which she can do exactly that.

Early experiments destroy the south pole, but eventually they are able
to produce an immortal robot body for Yui. Who immediately decamps into
it, leaving her son, a distraught Gendo, and a resigned Fuyutsuki.

Gendo and Fuyutsuki continue Yui's experiments in giant-robot mediated
immortality, mostly in an effort to see her again because they are Just
That Fucking Sad. They acquire a coterie of additionally,
equally-broken, people, and build more giant robots. Eventually their
financial backers twig that Gendo and Fuyutsuki are planning to keep the
giant-robot-immortality to themselves, and attempt to take it off them
by sending... giant robots, that being what they had to hand.

At this point in the narrative, Yui's son arrives, all grown up.
Together with the mysterious experimental-byproduct "Rei" and
eternal-fuckup Asuka [such a fuckup that it transcended generations to
her mother who couldn't die properly], Gendo and Fuyutsuki now have an
elite squad of giant-robot pilots to use as pawns in their plan.

Eventually Asuka fucks up and dies, Rei buggers off with her clone-mother -- who is also herself, and
her giant robot -- and Shinji just says "fuck you, dad, you're a cunt".
And lives happilly ever after with Asuka, who got better. Unlike
everyone else, who died as part of the process of Rei buggering off.

And Yui flies off into space in her giant-robot body and seems pretty happy with the deal.

---
"Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay
waste."

[drakensis]

"Wind Stripper Attack? You killed the Devil of the Bloody Mist with a prank jutsu?" Kabuto said looking as if someone had pulled a giant halibut out of nowhere and hit him with it.

"Nah, he's still alive. Poor guy was a bloody mess because all the stuff the wind picked up on the way, but he survived. He was even real nice about it when I apologized later. He was just happy that he was free from that stupid contract he'd been tricked into, since I killed Gato with that Water Proctologist Jutsu." he said cheerfully.

"Wa-wa-wa." Kabuto said looking even more stunned.

"Who's Gato?" Kiba asked Shino who was apparently the brains of Team 8.

"He was a billionaire shipping magnate who was rumored to be able to call up an army of mercenaries to crush his competition." Shino replied.

"What happened to the army of mercenaries?" Kiba asked, looking put out for some strange reason.

"Knocked them out with a Harem Jutsu." he replied.

"Where was Sasuke-kun in all of this?" Ino asked.

"After Haku got him calmed down and convinced that Zabuza wasn't really trying to kill Kakashi-sensei, he showed him how to knit socks with senbon. That's a really useful skill to have. I wish I'd had the patience to sit down and learn it myself."

Time Mixup
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[deadpan29]

Also from Ready, Sette, Go! :

 

Ten minutes later, I stared at the strange black thing in the frying pan and nodded. It did not resemble closely the image in the cookbook I had unearthed, but all the ingredients had been used and it should have the same basic structure. Yes, this should serve.
...

"Good morning, Nove. I have gathered ingredients and constructed pancakes." I said. Then, upon considering the pan in my hands, I added "Or, at this point, pancake. It is nutritious and possibly edible."
...

"... ... would you like a pancake?" I asked, not certain what else to say. "There is only one, because Nove would not let me finish, but it is potentially good."

----------
No, I don't believe the world has gone mad.  In order for it to go mad it would need to have been sane at some point.

[ECSNorway]

“Father?”

“Yes, Draco?” his father asked, setting down the Daily Prophet.

“I have decided to become a dentist,” Draco Malfoy announced. Lucius Malfoy had a look of pure confusion.

“What, pray tell, is a dentist?”

“You remember that mudblood, Granger?”

His father nodded.

“As it turns out, her parents are dentists,” Draco said before pausing for his father’s sudden outburst.

“A pure blooded scion of this noble house? Taking up a muggle occupation? I think not! How could you even consider such a preposterous thing?”

“Hear me out, Father,” Draco said patiently. “I have given this much thought.”

Clearly not pleased, Lucius did allow him to explain.

“Dentists are torture specialists,” Draco said. “They use tools to cause pain and suffering in the mouths of muggles.”

“We have the Cruciatus Curse,” Lucius corrected. “There is no need for any muggle technique.”

“Ah, but the crux of the matter is that muggles voluntarily go to a dentist for this torture,” Draco said. “They actually pay to be tortured.”

“And they enjoy this?”

“No! But they’ve been convinced that it is in their best interest!” Draco said. “Don’t you see father? We’ve been torturing them for years, but we’ve been doing it for free!”

“Merlin’s Blood!” Lucius said numbly as a picture of muggle culture was finally clarified in his mind. “How could we have been so blind? Very well Draco, you have my blessing to become a dentist.”

“Thank you, Father,” Draco said, looking like the cat that ate the canary.

http://www.tthfanfic.org/wholestory.php?no=22930
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[zojojojo]

“It’s all so easy for you, isn’t it?” Sasuke sneered.

“What?” Naruto asked in bewilderment.

“Did you ever think about what it’s like to be me?”

Naruto nodded. “Yes, I thought your lubrication bill must be horrendous to get that stick up your arse every morning.”

Konoha's Legion by jeconais
-Z, Post-reader at Medium
----
If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

[drakensis]

Suddenly, they all heard it.  Up ahead, moving their way, was the clattering of metal on metal.  They all prepared for combat.  And then they moved to where they could see around the next corner.

Diamondback stared in horror.  "Oh.  My.  Gawd."

The team was facing three massive robotic ‘Hello Kitty’ junkyard dogs.

Eldritch muttered, "We are dealing with the purest evil I have ever seen..."

Razorback signed, ~And I thought his clothes were as bad as it could get.~

Jericho said, "Awww, they're so KYEWT!  I WANT one!"

“You would say that,” Diamondback complained.

http://www.crystalhall.org/AylaBirthdayBrawl5.html
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Jorlem]

"So she's out of prison legitimately? She just got
released?" Ginga Nakajima asked, holding ice to her face in an effort to
bring the swelling down. "Er... sorry, then. I... when I saw you in the
living room, and nobody had told me you would be there, I... sorta
assumed you'd broken out."
"Several of my sisters considered such.
However, escape attempts are forbidden under Penal Code 001-A, quite
literally the first rule in the book." I informed her. "Such a flagrant
breach of regulations would have been an irreversible black mark on my
record, and a serious blow to my overall efficiency rating for my
mission at the time, 'Operation: Twenty-five years to Life in a Maximum
Security Installation (Possibility of early parole extended due to
extenuating circumstances in the accused's childhood)'."
"That... that wasn't actually a mission so much as a punishment..." Ginga Nakajima said. She sounded nervous for some reason. Possibly she wanted pancakes.
Wendi
sighed. "Ah, I've missed this. Life just isn't the same without someone
outlining in excruciating detail the proper operating procedure for
using a toaster."
"You do have a tendency to press down
on the toast button with 43% greater force than the design
specifications recommend." I agreed. "It increases basic wear and tear
on the unit, contributing to greater frequency of needed repairs. I will
be certain to monitor usage during my stay here in an effort to prevent
this."

From chapter 3 of Ready, Sette, Go!
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[drakensis]

Her flight took her to the far side of the Arena from where the fight had been, where a double dozen Catholic school girls were in the process of getting on school buses in front of the ‘town museum.’ One of which, a red head toward the middle of the group, was wearing a mask. The Ant that had been created as ‘Mother Superior’ greeted Liz warmly. “Lady Astarte! Is everything alright? We were just getting the girls to safety as we heard a battle was raging a few blocks from here.”

“Nothing to worry about, Sister,” the superheroine replied as she passed and walked up to Elaine. “But then I don’t think masks are a part of your school’s uniform.”

Loophole grinned up at the Headmistress. “Why, Lady Astarte has little old me gotten under your skin? That you’d be reduced to cheating?”

Carson’s frown deepened to levels that would put the Grand Canyon to shame. “I beg your pardon?”

“Ah’m only wearing a mask because this is being recorded and the arena rules require it. Otherwise Ah am in civilian clothing and fit right in with the girls here. So, you only singled me out because of something were this ‘for real’ quote unquote Ah wouldn’t be wearing, ergo, you, ma’am, are cheating.”

The guffaws that were coming through the ear piece weren’t helping Liz concentrate. “Alright, points to be awarded to Loophole for a very clever piece of rules lawyering. Now, where is Zenith and why can’t I sense her?”

The grin on the red head’s face sent chills down Carson’s spin, though she was well schooled enough not to show it. “If you thought that was good, just wait until I lay this Amicus curiae on you. Zenith is where you can’t get at her, with not one, but two bags of money. And, by the rules put down by Gunny Bardue only one of us has to not be captured for us to win.” She presented her hands together. “So, take me in copper, Ah’ll go quietly. But we won this round twenty minutes ago.”

Carson’s eyes narrowed. “Where is she?”

“Do you admit defeat?”

It was only by force of will that Carson’s teeth didn’t grind. A large part of her wanted to make the self-confident little miss sweat out the remaining twenty minutes of the battle, but the teacher in her was far too worried about not being able to sense one of her students. She could teach that lesson later, the safety of one of ‘her kids’ far outweighed letting Loophole ‘win’ for once. “Fine, now where is Zenith?”

“She’s in mah secure locker in the workshop, wearing mah armor. Ah teleported her, mah armor and two bags of ‘loot’ back there twenty minutes ago. And before you start on me about how this is supposed to test mah powers, let me just say Ah used mah powers. Ah just outsmarted you.”

Elizabeth shook her head slowly. “Loophole, in the real world…”

“In the ‘real world’,” the red head interrupted, “Ah won’t be robbing banks.”

Whately Academy: The Secret of the Forger's List
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Jorlem]

A few months later…
"Congratulations!" Hakase cried, holding up the little half Techno-organic Transformer, half magic android alt. "It's an iPod!"

From SCM's CRACC Dating Service.  I've been laughing for the last five minutes.  What have you done, SCM?  What have you DONE!?
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Black Aeronaut]

A few months later…
"Congratulations!" Hakase cried, holding up the little half Techno-organic Transformer, half magic android alt. "It's an iPod!"

From SCM's CRACC Dating Service.  I've been laughing for the last five minutes.  What have you done, SCM?  What have you DONE!?

*Snrk!*  Awesome.

[CattyNebulart]

Basically, crack pairings galore, without things like 'plot' or 'story' or 'setting' getting in my way. Send requests!

gah, now I need to think of a suitably C.R.A.C.C. request. a little help here?

Rein (form Nanoha) & Darth Vader? they have so much in common. or for the less crack version use Reinforce instead of Rein(force Zwei). This could be so waff.

Bamuth & Skynet, a love story?

Ifurita & Sakura Kinomoto? gah it's already beccoming less crack. Things like Cerberous (CCS) and Rein could actually work.

Edit: still not liking yuku
----
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Jorlem]

Well, since it worked out so well for Chachamaru, how about Chachazero? With GIR.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[ECSNorway]

From the promo for the upcoming Eureka Christmas Ep:

Jo: "'Tis the season for all you geeks to fly your geek-flags high."

Fargo: "No, that's ComicCon."
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[ECSNorway]

"You've gotten a lot stronger and more ruthless since we last fought," Gin complimented, trying to buy some time. He'd underestimated the kid, and now he was injured. "I remember, after I cut Jidanbo's arm… You came rushing at me with such a threatening attitude…" He smiled. "'What an amusing kid,' I thought to myself."

"… I don't remember that."

Gin chuckled. "Liar, liar. Are you trying to provoke me? Because I'm sure you could do better than that."

Ichigo shook his head. "No. I don't remember your sword, or your heart. When your blade crosses that of another's, you understand a little about them, like the strength of their resolve, whether you're acknowledged or looked down on." He paused for a moment. "When I'm actually fighting someone, I'm always fighting for my life so I don't get the chance to think about it. But afterwards, it comes to me. And what I've found is, the stronger the person, the more of their heart is translated to me."

"My, my, how poetic," Gin commented dryly.

"Shut up, I wasn't finished. I didn't get anything from you. Neither acknowledgment, nor resolve, nothing! You didn't even see me, you were busy with something else! Maybe your upcoming defection?" Ichigo theorized.

"… I thought you were amusing, but now I can see that you're rather creepy…" Gin said carelessly. He's grown so fast! "I think I see why Aizen-taicho is interested in you…"

Ichigo sweat-dropped. "I'm not gay."

Gin looked at him oddly, his smile becoming somewhat strained. "That's not what I meant." He took on a pensive expression. "Then again… I've never known him to be with a woman. Not even his old fukutaicho, Hinamori, who was so desperate to please! He could have had her in a minute had he chosen…"

"Don't you think that you should have known whether he was gay before you and Tousen ran off with him? I mean, with his hypnosis abilities, and you being off in a dark secluded location for months, who knows what he's done to you?" Ichigo pointed out.

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds as neither of them moved, before both shuddered in unison. "Let's just forget we ever had this conversation and get back to the fight," Gin suggested.

"Yeah."

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5002293/19/ ... tors_Pride
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Valles]

The gigantic Zombie Tyrannosaurus Rex roared, the sound cutting through the pervasive polka music now echoing through the air.

Assassin tapped his staff. "Let's try this again. Hi! Welcome to Ryuudo Temple. We come in peace. Our Master would like to talk to your Master under terms of truce. Tell them, will you? Before I sic my polka-powered Zombie Tyrannosaurus Rex on you."

...SCM, you bastard. You absolute, unmitigated fucking bastard.
===========

===============================================
"V, did you do something foolish?"
"Yes, and it was glorious."

[SCM Writer of 2814]

I aim to please.
--------------------------------------
I am the LORD OF THE CRACK!
Check out said crack:
Takamachi Nanoha of 2814- Green Lantern Nanoha. To START! Now with a TvTropes page!
FATE/Holy Grail War of 2814- The Fifth Holy Grail War with Magical Girl Prisma Illya, in the DCAU, from the above story.
Magical Girl Magistra Erebea Molly- the world's first Dresden Files/TvTropes Crossover.
VENGEANCE! The Musical! The Story of Uchiha Sasuke

[Jorlem]

The figure pointed. "Students of Homurabara Gakuen, I am
Magical Girl Kaleido Ruby, Defender of Fuyuki, and I need your help!
Your school has been infiltrated by the forces of evil!"
There
were gasps, but no one panicked. Japan was the only country in the world
whose schools regularly had an 'infiltrated by the forces of evil'
drill. It wasn't just a good idea, it was the law!
Kaleido Ruby
continued. "Among you, there is one who has been possessed by the forces
of evil, and has just recently tried to sacrifice the people of this
school for the sake of collecting your energy."
There were gasps.
More nerdy types pulled out their 'in case of infiltration by the forces
of evil' checklist and began ticking of the points.
Shinji began to sweat, and started trying to sneak out.
"This person has been fully corrupted by the forces of evil, and is really no longer human!" Kaleido Ruby bellowed
More gasps.
"How could this be?"
"No, it can't be true, it just couldn't!"
"It's impossible, especially for a student of this school!"
"We don't believe you!"
"This is all a mistake!"
Kaleido Ruby pointed dramatically. "And this evil person is… MATOU SHINJI!"
Everyone turned.
"Oh, yeah, that explains it."
"Oh, they were talking about Captain Asshole?"
"Should have realized sooner."
"I knew there was a reason! No normal human could normally be that evil!"
"The vengeance of heaven is slow but sure! Have at thee, Matou Shinji!"
Shinji
froze as he was called out, people moving away from him. He looked
about in panic, fumbling for his Book of False Attendant.
"Get him!" the crowded roared.
Frantically, Shinji brandished the book. "Stay back! I'm warning you!"
"Oh shit, he's got a Death Note!"
"RUN!"

http://www.fanfiction.net...E_Holy_Grail_War_of_2814
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

"So…" Raging Heart said. "I've never been on a date before…"
Negi's staff was silent.
"The strong, silent type, huh? I like that…"
More silence.
Bardiche, watching from the bushes, cried. "Oh, Raging Heart, how could you! I thought we had something special…!"

From CRACC Dating Service, chapter 2.

SCM?  You are seriously good at this.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[SCM Writer of 2814]

Why, thank you!
--------------------------------------
I am the LORD OF THE CRACK!
Check out said crack:
Takamachi Nanoha of 2814- Green Lantern Nanoha. To START! Now with a TvTropes page!
FATE/Holy Grail War of 2814- The Fifth Holy Grail War with Magical Girl Prisma Illya, in the DCAU, from the above story.
Magical Girl Magistra Erebea Molly- the world's first Dresden Files/TvTropes Crossover.
VENGEANCE! The Musical! The Story of Uchiha Sasuke

[Jorlem]

You're welcome. 
Would you be adverse to a formal request for something involving both Chachazero and GIR?
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.