ROTFL: MAO!

[Jorlem]

'We can categorically deny that we have released man-eating
badgers into the area,' announced one officer in the British army, on a
'peacekeeping' mission in the Impact Wars.
He was lying.

From Nobody Dies: Six AIs, One Continent, chapter 12.




-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[yesilmavi]

Naruto. The following part is of an escort mission.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3567934/14/ ... _Ascendant
Its an adventure/romance fic.

Temari for lack of a better term was bored… bored out of her mind. The young Suna kunoichi was currently sitting quietly in the corner of the private dining room, eating her meal while observing three nobles doing the same in the center of the room. Her assignment to this mission was a bit of a fluke.

The requested escort mission had required kunoichi to assist in the protection of the Wind Daimyo's wife in more intimate settings, such as while she bathed and rested in her quarters. But due to the nature of the intense and brutal training instituted by the Kazekage, her 'loving father' or the heartless bastard depending on if she was feeling sarcastic or not, to increase the quality of Suna's individual ninja, Suna kunoichi were few and far between.

Thus Temari, a mere genin, found herself temporarily reassigned to a more experienced team as Kankuro's crass nature and Gaara's bloodlust made them ill suited for diplomatic escort duty. While she was enjoying the respite from the constant tension that naturally came from being in close quarters with her brothers, she was beginning to feel rather lonely.

Her fellow Suna shinobi on this assignment were polite enough but had been acting rather distant around her. She assumed that this treatment had to do with her relation to Gaara as being related to what many considered to be the 'Scourge of Suna' tended to have a negative impact on one's social life.

While she was used to feeling somewhat alienated from her fellow ninja, she usually had Kankuro or Baki-sensei around to commiserate with. But eight days into this mission, the pretentious and stilted conversations were beginning to wear on her. Hence the boredom and the slight irritation that she couldn't seem to shake.

This meal was just one of many that she had been forced to silently sit through as they had made their way towards Fire Country. This particular restaurant was rather nice, the atmosphere pleasant without being overly pretentious. As seemed to be the custom, the nobles had been provided with a private dining room in which to hold their discussions.

The layout was fairly straight-forward: the main table sat in the center of the dining room with individual tables situated in each of the room's corners. At each of the individual tables sat a ninja, two from Konoha and two from Suna. These tables were canted towards the center of the room so that the ninja would be well positioned to observe their charges as well as the opposing shinobi. Two samurai also sat behind their charges, abstaining from the meal while seeming to meditate silently.

Overall, the set up made for a rather dull meal, as she was too far from any of the others, especially any of the other ninja, to even consider having a conversation. Not that it would have made much difference in any case. Her fellow Suna kunoichi, a relatively young chuunin, had made it clear throughout the mission that she had little interest in conversation. The pink-haired kunoichi directly across the room seemed a bit too concerned about her looks and one of her teammates to be a descent conversationalist in any event.

Glancing towards the other Konoha shinobi caused her irritation to rise. Prior to the first meeting between the Wind and Fire Country nobles, she had been briefed on the Konoha ninja team that had been assigned to the mission. The only two that had been assigned a name had been Hatake Kakashi, the renowned Copy-nin, and Uchiha Sasuke, the last scion of the Uchiha Clan.

The other two team members had simply been noted as clanless ninja of little talent or consequence. Given that note and her confirming observations about the pink-haired kunoichi, Temari had been inclined to dismiss the blonde as a non-entity, especially after seeing him standing beside his dark-haired teammate. While cute, he did not look particularly strong or intimidating and always seemed to have a smile plastered across his face. He was the very picture of a cheerful idiot.

As the day continued, Temari was forced to admit that her initial assessment might have been a bit premature. At first, her attention had focused on him as she had spotted a couple of solid blonde bunshins circling their group as the toured the city.

After about a half hour of discreet observation, the Suna kunoichi was willing to admit to herself that there was simply something about him that made her feel a bit uneasy. It wasn't the overwhelming killing intent of her brother or the easy assurance of Baki-sensei or some other jounin. But there was something… just beyond her senses that warned her against dismissing the blonde.

Taking in her observations and knowing that her father was planning for her team to attend Konoha's Chuunin Exam in the coming months, the blonde kunoichi decided that this was the perfect opportunity to see if all those seduction classes she had been forced to attend in the academy had been worth her time.

While it was a bit of a snap decision, she had no plans of taking it too far and she may gain a bit of insight into Konoha and the opponents that her team could face in the upcoming Chuunin Exams. Besides, he was cute and it would be an amusing training exercise to entrap the Konoha shinobi within her web, only to crush his illusions later on.

And so, she attempted to capture his interest... attempted being the operative word. A couple of lingering glances and shy smiles made no impression on the blonde shinobi as far as she could tell… Three attempts at conversation had also been brushed aside. It wasn't long before Temari's ire towards the blonde shinobi begun to rise in spectacular fashion at having been passed over so casually.

While Suna ninja and villagers alike would give her a wide berth due to her relation to Gaara, she had received a number of appreciative glances and even some invitations to dinner while in the field. She would never admit it to anyone, but the fact that he had simply ignored her without even a second glance stung her ego quite a bit.

Glancing towards the Leaf shinobi sitting in the corner to her right caused her determination to harden, despite her irritation.

Shifting her kimono, Temari situated herself in such a way as to accentuate her form to maximum effect beneath her formal clothing. Arching her back and placing a slight smile on her face, she waited for him to notice. She couldn't help but observe him eating the ramen that he had specifically requested the staff of the restaurant to prepare. It seemed a bit strange to come to a restaurant such as the one they were sitting in and request a dish that could be acquired in just about any street side stand.

She had nothing against the dish itself. In fact, she was known to enjoy ramen quite often in Suna, especially during the cooler months of the year. The problem was that he seemed to be devoting his whole attention to the dish in front of him. Temari was beginning to grow impatient, but soothed her irritation by telling herself that he would finish sooner or later and then her fun would begin.

And then came the moment of truth… Having finished his bowl, he glanced around the room, first focusing on the nobles' table, then shifting his attention towards each of the room's other occupants. The level of attention that was paid to her was neither more nor less than he paid to any other person in the room.

After taking a deep, but inaudible breath; she ignored this additional blow to her self-esteem for the moment. Well aware that she was attractive, the Suna kunoichi quickly determined that the problem must lie with him. 'Either he is gay or one of densest men on the planet… Either way, I'll teach the bastard not to ignore a Suna kunoichi…' Shifting her kimono again to reveal an almost indecent amount of skin, even compared to her normal attire, she coughed softly, drawing his attention once more.

He sat staring at her, his mouth slightly agape. Smiling sweetly at him, Temari observed the server bring out the Konoha shinobi's second helping of ramen and setting it before him. 'Perfect. This will teach him to pass me over.' While continuing to smile at him, Temari made a rather rash decision, especially considering the foreign ninja and samurai in the immediate area, and prepared to use her second favorite weapon, obviously after her fan.

Of the three basic shinobi weapons, only one appealed to Temari. Shuriken relied upon their rotation and sharpened edges to tear into their targets. Kunai are often used to slash or stab an opponent during combat. Both relied primarily on blunt trauma and were extremely messy.

Senbon needles, on the other hand, were a different story altogether. A single senbon directed to a precise location of the body could be more effective than a host of shuriken or kunai. When in the hands of a master, senbon needles were elegant, precise, and effective. 'What more could a girl desire in a weapon?'

While this had not been her original intention, this should serve as an object lesson for the dense shinobi to not ignore an attractive girl. With this last thought, Temari unleashed a single senbon needle towards the ceiling of the restaurant. The needle impacted with and was deflected by one of the light fixtures there. It resumed it journey on a downward trajectory towards where the blonde shinobi was sitting.

The senbon needle hit its target, which happened to be the newly delivered bowl of ramen. Due to the needle having impacted the upper lip of bowl's interior, the senbon's impact caused the bowl's steaming contents to be upended into the blonde shinobi's lap. This was followed shortly by a bout of swearing by the blonde ninja as he stood abruptly in an attempt to remove the near scalding liquid from his skin.

This spectacle was greeted by a flurry of movement from the restaurant's staff, inaudible murmurs from the nobles, and stony silence from the room's guardians. The blonde shinobi flushed in both anger and embarrassment as he attempted to clean his kimono with some napkins. After he settled down, the blonde ninja sent Temari a scathing look, to which she responded to with a small wave.

A few minutes after the ramen incident, Temari's battle fan, which had been unobtrusively resting immediately behind her in the corner of the room, suddenly fell towards her without apparent cause. The fan impacted Temari's right shoulder before continuing forward, eventually upsetting the small table in front of her, causing its contents to be catapulted in her direction.

Temari's eyes closed as a reflex and she gasped in shock. Luckily, Temari had almost completed her meal, but she was still reluctant to examine the damage that had been done to her formal outfit. Slowly, she opened her eyes and found that she was covered in the remains of her tea and had pieces of rice scattered all over her.

Seeing that she was now the center of attention, she apologized profusely to the nobles in the room for the disruption and slowly began to clean herself up. While she was doing this, she happened to glance towards the blonde shinobi again. She found him waving at her, grinning like an idiot. She immediately comprehended that he was responsible for the previous incident.

'But how did he do it?' she thought as her face reddened with anger. Suddenly, the answer occurred to her, 'Chakra strings.' Her response to this realization and his insufferable smirk was to throw to series of senbon needles that managed to pin one of the shinobi's arms to the wall behind him. She shortly followed this up by hitting him between the eyes with one of the rice balls that had survived from her meal. Temari managed to dodge the rice ball that the blonde returned with his off hand as he released his arm from the wall.

Both of the ninjas were rising to their feet, when they finally noticed the intense silence that had descended upon the room's other guests. Glancing around at the incredulous looks they were receiving from the nobles, the samurai, and their fellow ninja, both blondes flushed scarlet and bowed their heads sheepishly. There really was nothing to say about being caught engaging in a food fight during an important diplomatic meeting.

After a moment, the Fire Daimyo's daughter broke down and started laughing hysterically at the whole scene. The more sedate laughter of the two older noblewomen soon joined that of the younger girl. As they made to resume their meal, the Fire Daimyo's wife wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and stated, "Had I known that ninja were capable of such entertainment, I would have insisted on a ninja escort years ago."

[Black Aeronaut]

NGE: A Little Angel On My Shoulder:
Bob, you magnificent bastard.... you have severely understated the hilarity to be had here...

"Ramiel..."

yeesss

"Ramiel?"

yes. yes. yes.

"Ramiel?"

Yes! Yes! NO! Yesssss.

Umm Shinji?

"Yeah, Sach?"

I wouldn't interrupt Ramiel. This is his 'private time', if you know what I mean.

"Wait. But he's playing Tetris?"

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssss!

Shinji, you've got the Internet, Pen-Pen has Animal Planet. Ramiel has his Tetris. Don't. Ask.

"Oh god tha... Is that what Ramiel's doin.... Oh god I'm going to be sick."

[Bob Schroeck]

Bob, you magnificent bastard.... you have severely understated the hilarity to be had here...

-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[drakensis]

“Or rather, tests of strength of arms are meaningless. Just because a man can swing a sword does not mean he can lead. So if you wish to do this, I will accept, but as the challenged, I get to choose the contests… plural. This is not something that can be decided on a one-off event.”
“Excellent! I accept your terms,” the stranger declared.
Vulkan smirked and replied, “You’re going to regret saying that.” He then raised a hand and said, “Bring forth the sculpted tables, the ivory dice, and the figurines of pewter!”

“Very well. What are the rules?” The man asked.
The smile on Vulkan’s face was nothing short of daemonic as he said, “I will tell you when you break a rule.”
The man blinked three times before he burst out furiously, “You expect me to play a game where I don’t know the rules and you are both my opponent and arbitrator of the fair play?”
“Life can be a bitch sometimes, can’t it?”

“…and with that, I make a sweeping advance, wiping out the squad,” the stranger stated, concluding his turn.
“Very good,” Vulkan conceded before rolling his reserves check. Getting a six, he nodded to one of the men watching over the model cases and said, “I will deep strike in Ga’ri.”
Vulkan watched very carefully as the model was handed to him and then as he placed it on the table in out in the open, in full view of the three hover craft the raiders used as transportation. There was only confusion as to why Vulkan was placing a model of a young girl in a strange dress in the middle of a vicious firefight. Anyone who knew Nanoha would not have responded like that.
Thirty seconds later the stranger cried out, “BULL! SHIT!”
“Hey, it’s totally legitimate according to the rules,” Vulkan replied as half the remaining raider army was packed away, including all of their vehicles.

Big Sister
And yes, Vulkan (Primarch of the Salamanders) did just do what it sounds like. I'm sure you can all guess the opponent.
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[BYapes]

 I did not write te fic, but found it awesome all the same. ( And when we're taking SEED destiny fanfics, that's takes a lot of saying!)
 A little bit of dialogue from Gundam Seed Serenity that answers the question of why you never say a particular phrase:

"This is Makoto Michiru Taiyonoha in the Serenity Gundam," she called out. She heard gasps filling the comm. line. "Supreme Commander of the Izanami Defense Force. All Orb forces please withdraw from the shoreline and tighten the defense line around the city. We will take over the counterattack. We'll drive ZAFT right back to Carpentaria!"

"You and what army?" sneered Zane.

"That one," said Makoto, making a gentle motion upwards—not that it was needed as alarms went off on every sensor throughout Orb.

"What the hell?" gasped Shinn, staring at the sky.

Dozens upon dozens of drop pods fell through the atmosphere, breaking through clouds before opening up. M2 Angelus', M3 Guardians and production model M4 Yamatos fell from the pods briefly before activating. The M2s spread their wings and activated thrusters, shooting forward to attack, alongside the M3s as they shifted to mobile armor mode. The M4s drew their beam daisho and moved to defend the shoreline.

That wasn't what was frightening, though. What struck terror through the onlookers was what came down following the drop pods:

A Minerva-class battleship. Not one, not two, but three Archangel-class assault ships. Four dozen warships almost none of them had ever laid eyes on before, though a dozen, the Athena-class battleships, were reminiscent of a combination of the Minerva and Archangel, while the remaining three dozen, the Yomi-class cruisers, were most reminiscent of a combination of the Minerva and Izumo-classes.

And most awe-inspiring of all, the flagship that spearheaded the fleet: the Eternal.

"Let's go," said Kira, spreading the Strike Freedom's wings.

 And from the chapter after that...

ZAFT was doing better on the ground than in the air. The First Fleet dominated the skies over Onogoro and had already cleared every ZAFT machine in the vicinity of the mainland. But ZAFT still had plenty of mobile suits to throw at Orb and Izanami, and on the ground, the ZAKUs advanced fiercely.

That is, until a scene all too familiar to one Astray pilot repeated itself as black flames sprouted from thin air and consumed four ZAKUs in the dark inferno.

"What the hell?" cried a GOUF pilot.

"Lieutenant, what is that?" questioned an Astray pilot. The lieutenant trembled slightly—he'd seen this before, two and a half years ago.

The black fire steadily died down… and there it was: the most terrifying mobile suit ever conceived.

A cursory glance didn't suggest much change since the first time the demon had set fire to its opponents, but a closer look revealed much more leathery, organic-looking wings, torn and tattered; circuitry was exposed in some of its horrendous scars with electricity faintly crackling. A pair of demonic horns sprouted from its head in place of the normal V crest, but the right horn was broken in half, and what remained was filled with fractures, looking ready to shatter like brittle bone. A gash fell from its headcrest through its right eye and horrifically fractured right jaw, exposing more circuitry and its demonic right eye for all to see. The entire right half of the monster's head looked like a total nightmare—a terrifying contrast to the pristine left side of the head.

The eyes flashed to life with a demonic glow, the right eye an evil red, and the left a possessed white with spiraling blue. The demon gripped its weapon in both hands, and a massive scythe of red beam energy sprouted to life.

At least one ZAFT pilot really did lose control of his bladder, knowing what was standing before him.

"I guess I must enjoy being the Grim Reaper," said Nicol softly. "There's no other explanation for why I keep coming back to this. Well then… Blackfire Blitz! Let's show them the power of a real demon!"

 And yes, that's Nicol riding that thing.
 BYapes
Brian Y.
Seed Chronicles

[Necratoid]

Big Sister
And yes, Vulkan (Primarch of the Salamanders) did just do what it sounds like. I'm sure you can all guess the opponent.

(as of pages 3 of that thread) I kind of want to see the look on faces of the Warp Gods and the GEoM when they realise that the new girl has a Pokemon RPG source book in their stack of Grim Dark manuals.
What I mean is: The difference between Jewel Seeds and Deamon is the Deamon are being expletives on purpose.  The Warp Gods just been entered into a war of attrition... one they can actually lose.  As they have never actually managed to lose any of their troops, it may be a while before they novice.  The concept borders on stealth crack fic really.
Edit: quote selection fail 

[drakensis]

“What happened to the other one?” Willow asked, looking around.
“Went up,” Buffy commented, pointing to the sky. “Xander hit it pretty hard.”
“Flying vampires,” Xander commented as more and more of his faculties started coming back to him. “Think it’ll come back down?” He asked idly, looking up to try and spot anything.
“I have no idea,” Buffy said idly, still looking up. “Can vampires even survive in space?”
“I asked Jen same thing,” Xander frowned. “She said not to try.”
“Why not?” Buffy asked with a shrug. “Guess you just did try actually.”

He was barely ten yards down the road and about to cross to the other side when a peculiar sound caused him to actually look up into the night sky. The bemused expression across his face looked even stranger around the thick cigar perched in his lips, which promptly dropped to the ground as his eye told him it was in fact a man falling from the sky towards him.
The cigar hit the ground and scattered fiery ash around, which coincidentally is what happened to the man as he impacted the asphalt road with enough force to leave a dent before exploding into ash which was blown away in the wind.
Fury stared at the sight for a moment before blinking and picking up the cigar and dusting off the end of it. “It really does rain fuckin’ vampires here then,” He commented to himself as he continued the walk into town, puffing on the cigar as he walked.

Tainted
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[CattyNebulart]

'...And you're probably going to get crushed. But hey: I'll leave you alive after your utter subjugation, and you'll definitely look cool while I stomp all over you!"

"... ... ..."

"You don't seem happy with this news." Susanoo said in a slightly confused tone.

from the latest chapter of infinity: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5144486/26/Infinity
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[CattyNebulart]

Naberius Devotee: I shapechange into a -Blank-draining-undead- and drain myself.
DM: You can't do that. You would have to attack yourself to do such a thing.
Naberius Devotee: Very well. I attack myself.
Rather annoyed DM: You may only attack opponents or other creatures...
Naberius Devotee: Opponents or? … *Raising his hand high into the air* LEFT HAND! I declare a blood oath upon you and swear you as my eternal opponent! I vanquish you! I attack my left hand.

Fortunately your teammates will not worry about you’re mental stability by virtue of already being a Binder, and apparently taking a good many drugs. Excellent synergy.

From the briliant gameroligist board, talking about how to abuse some things that grant a benefit for ability sore drain when you have fast healing for ability scores: http://brilliantgameologists.com/boards ... #msg145198
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Necratoid]

Actually if the player did try this and for some idiot reason the DM allowed it... The twice your HP in temp HP rule kicks, they make Fortitude checks every round and the eventually fails and promptly said player explodes... which means they are at half HP if the make their save and hit anyone near enough with a burst of (in this case) negative energy.  Not to mention this requires the 9th level spell (or equivalent) Shape Change, to actually get the abilities and not just the shape..  into a legless spirit or the ability just fails.  Then their is the whole literally contagious, gibbering insanity thing allips (a spirit of one who went completely insane and offed himself) do...  So your clever plan ends up with a party full of people in a nightmare filled insanity coma or very annoyed at least epic level PCs... So basically this player would have talked himself to death and won a Darwin Award... and probably ended up an allip for real!
So really death by cunning plan.

[CattyNebulart]

Twice your hp in temp HP causing explosions only applies to the positive energy plane afaik.

There are other ways to get the abilities of stuff you change into, I believe it can be done by 3'rd level without going too crazy, although it would be hard to change into an allip at that level. Besides most of the discusion focuses on something Allip-like but no search was done to find the right kind of monster, since it was more of a general theoretical excersize.

Anyway that it enough offtopicness.

Is it just me or are most of infinities chapters filled with rofl-worthy quotes?

---
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[LilFluff]

A Private Investigator in Chicago…

Murphy stared down at the young boy with Dresden, who was gracing her with a bright, innocent, winning smile as he held out his hand for her to shake, his green striped suit clean and pressed, a big stick stuck on his back with no obvious point of contact. "Lieutenant Murphy," the boy said. "It's nice to finally meet you. Master Harry has been telling me all sorts of nice things about you."

Murphy closed and opened her eyes in a slow blink, then hesitantly shook the boy's hand. "Nice to meet you too," she said, then turned a glare at Harry, incredulous. "Are you out of your mind?"

Harry shuffled his shoulders nervously, not looking at her directly. "Look, it's a complicated wizard thing…"

"You bought a child to a crime scene!" Murphy hissed. "A multiple homicide crime scene!"

"I know, okay?" Harry hissed back. "Look, this wasn't my idea!"

"Are those intestines?" Negi said innocently.

A Mythbuster

"… and so, we have busted the myth that Cosmo Entelekheia is the only way to save the Magical World!" Negi cried.

"Curse you Negi Springfield and your methodical scientific process!" Dynamis cried. "Don't think this is over! We still have… THE REVISIT EPISODES!"

"Bring it on!" Negi cried.

From Shadow Crystal Mage's "The Many Jobs of Negi Springfield" which asks what jobs other than English teacher at Mahora Negi might have found himself with...
-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[LilFluff]

And a bit of humor at the end of chapter 4 of Snake in the Horse's Shadow.

"Jack, there's something that's been bothering me." Daniel turned to O'Neill.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. How come we can understand Ranma? I mean, he's Japanese right, so when did he learn how to speak English to the point where we can understand him so easily?"

"That's a good point, Daniel. Let's ask Carter, maybe she knows."

The men walked to Captain Carter's office and knocked on the door.

"Can I help you, Sir?" the blonde asked with a cheerful smile.

"Yeah, it's about Ranma," O'Neill said, scratching his head. "How come we can understand him?"

"Well, I think that it's because this is sci-fi, Sir. In science fiction, you either speak in subtitles or in English. Given that this is a written story, subtitles don't really work in this situation," Cater explained.

The two men looked at each other and nodded in understanding.

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Jorlem]

From Shadow Crystal Mage's "The Many Jobs of Negi Springfield" which asks what jobs other than English teacher at Mahora Negi might have found himself with...

My favorite one was

An Ordinary Student
"Negi Springfield of Earth, there is great rage in your heart…"
Please, anyone who can hear my voice, help me!
"Negi Springfield, because of you, I've seen hell! Prepare to die!"
"Negi Springfield, you've been granted a wish…"
"Negi, come quick! There's been a murder!"
"Negi, youma are attacking, you have to help us!"
"Negi, you're now a part of hte Holy Grail War!"
"Negi, this bracelet means you are now a Kampfer!"
And
then, of course, at the next full moon, a vampire attacked, going on
about his blood, a curse, his father, and not showing up in the Harry
potter Segment…

Assuming, of course, that this is all happening at the same time.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

The grooming session had improved matters, Yoko had to admit. The years had not been kind to him, but at least now he actually looked his age (specifically, a couple of years younger than her) rather than appearing to have stepped out of the weekly meeting of Deranged Wasteland Elders Anonymous. Also, nobody had ever quite figured out what the traditional garb for Spiral warriors was, but it was near-universally agreed that it didn't involve shirts.

From chapter 44 of The Doorstop.
Edit:

Cinque considered this for a moment, before smiling
slightly. "That's... not a bad point. Cold turkey rarely does any good,
after all. All right, Nove, the ball's in your court."
"Whoo-hoo!" Nove said, pumping her fist exuberantly. "Sette, you're going to have a blast, I promise!"
"I see no court, nor ball." I said. "So I believe Cinque was mistaken about the ball being in your court. I apologize."
"... yeah. Yeah, that's great." Nove said. She did not sound as enthusiastic.
Perhaps she had been looking forward to having a ball.

From Chapter 5 of Ready, Sette, Go!
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[SCM Writer of 2814]

Assuming, of course, that this is all happening at the same time.

Of course it was... =)
--------------------------------------
I am the LORD OF THE CRACK!
Check out said crack:
Takamachi Nanoha of 2814- Green Lantern Nanoha. To START! Now with a TvTropes page!
FATE/Holy Grail War of 2814- The Fifth Holy Grail War with Magical Girl Prisma Illya, in the DCAU, from the above story.
Magical Girl Magistra Erebea Molly- the world's first Dresden Files/TvTropes Crossover.
VENGEANCE! The Musical! The Story of Uchiha Sasuke

[Black Aeronaut]

The grooming session had improved matters, Yoko had to admit. The years had not been kind to him, but at least now he actually looked his age (specifically, a couple of years younger than her) rather than appearing to have stepped out of the weekly meeting of Deranged Wasteland Elders Anonymous. Also, nobody had ever quite figured out what the traditional garb for Spiral warriors was, but it was near-universally agreed that it didn't involve shirts.

From chapter 44 of The Doorstop.

Waituhminute... When the hell did that update!?  *Looks over in the updates thread.*  Well daaaaaaaaa~aaaaaaammmmmnnnn...

[ECSNorway]

Another one from 'The Many Jobs of Negi Springfield'...

"Hello everyone," Negi said. "I'm Negi Springfield, from Unadministered World 97, and I will be your new Advanced Magical Calculation Teacher. I'm very pleased to be here at St. Hilde Academy!"

He smiled. Every girl in the room swooned. Vivio found herself thinking strange thoughts. Could this be that strange thing aunt Amy talked about? Being… what had she called it… straight?

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[drakensis]

"Right then, Mr. Sagara, we're going to be discussing your experiences using the Lambda Driver. How you made it work, its effects and side-effects, that sort of thing. Incidentally, please don't be too alarmed if my associate here starts hitting on you – he does that to everyone, and I mean everyone."

Leeron dismissed him with an airy wave. "Oh, ignore him, honey. For the record, I love what you did with your hair. That half-feral look? Very in at the moment. May I enquire as to who did it?"

Sousuke gazed at the Spiral levelly. "On my person at the moment I have one blackjack, two tasers, a telescoping baton, a garrotte, a holdout pistol, and four concussion grenades. How many of them am I going to have to use?"

"Orrr... we could talk about the Lambda Driver. I'm flexible."

The Doorstop
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[drakensis]

"Scrya. In here. Now."

Almighty Sankt Kaiser, saviour of us all, I commend my unworthy soul to your infinite benevolence. Just... not yet. Please?

He was lifted bodily, his feet dangling in the air, and slammed against the nearest wall without quite the amount of force required to inflict permanent damage. Laevantien's blade halted less than an inch from his throat, held back by a faint green aura. Yuuno thought (hoped) that the Wolkenritter would have stopped in time anyway, but that was no reason not to raise a shield just in case.

"It is now several hours after midnight," Signum stated levelly.

Oh crap...

"For what I believe to be the first time in her life, Mistress Hayate is severely inebriated."

Oh crap, oh crap...

"There is lipstick on your face."

Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap...

"Do you have an explanation for this, Scrya?"

"I turned into a ferret! It doesn't count if you turn into a ferret!" The librarian's desperate wail could have been heard halfway across the station.

The Doorstep
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[s3yang]

"Right then, Mr. Sagara, we're going to be discussing your experiences using the Lambda Driver. How you made it work, its effects and side-effects, that sort of thing. Incidentally, please don't be too alarmed if my associate here starts hitting on you – he does that to everyone, and I mean everyone."

Leeron dismissed him with an airy wave. "Oh, ignore him, honey. For the record, I love what you did with your hair. That half-feral look? Very in at the moment. May I enquire as to who did it?"

Sousuke gazed at the Spiral levelly. "On my person at the moment I have one blackjack, two tasers, a telescoping baton, a garrotte, a holdout pistol, and four concussion grenades. How many of them am I going to have to use?"

"Orrr... we could talk about the Lambda Driver. I'm flexible."

The Doorstop

Replace the last line with
"Everything except the pistol and the grenades.".
>.>

[Bob Schroeck]

The girl, to her credit, tried to stand up straight and look composed. "My name," she said proudly, or as proudly as someone talking with a nasal voice through ha bloody nose could be, "Is Aoyama Amaterasu! Daughter of Tsukuyomi!"

"WHAT!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!" they all cried.

The girl continued, pointing at Konoka. "Konoe Konoka! First you took my mother's beloved Setsuna-sempai away from her with your harlotous, succubus-like ways, evilly seducing her away from her rightful beloved with your big breasts and money and that thing you can do with your tongue!" Amaterasu declared. "But this victory wasn't enough for you, for you had to also steal away Negi-papa with your big breasts and your threesome orgies, leaving my mother pregnant and destitute while you had you big happy marriage with Negi-papa and your concubine Setsuna! Now, I have come to avenge my mothers honor by killing you and chaning time so that my mother can have Negi-papa and her Setsuna-sempai as she should!"

Setsuna and Negi had paled, while Makie had stuck out her tongue, looking at it curiously as she looked sideways at Konoka, who simply looked shocked.

Chisame summed it up. "Oh, crap."

From Shadow Crystal Mage's latest work of sober, straightforward storytelling, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6470577/1/]Descendants of Negi: An Elseworld of 2814… Maybe…
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Norgarth]

“You’re kidding? Your name is ‘Buffy’? If you don’t mind, I think I would be more comfortable just calling you ‘B’,” the Doctor told her.
Buffy took a menacing step towards him. “I think that would be a bad idea,” she warned him.
The Doctor gave her a warm smile as he remembered another feisty, young woman with a rubbish first name. A brilliant woman he had grown to rely on completely. “Just so we are perfectly clear, you would prefer that I not call you ‘B’?” the Doctor asked for clarification.
“That’s right, Doctor; and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll remember that,” Buffy warned him.
If anything, the Doctor’s smile got bigger. “Right. ‘B’ it is,” the Doctor said with finality.
Faith clapped her hands and laughed. “Rock on!” she said, nodding her head. “The Doc’s got a set of brass balls on him,” Faith said in admiration. Buffy glared at her.
The Doctor gave Faith a shocked look. “How did you know that? I haven’t used them in ages,” he said, confused. Faith covered her mouth while she laughed at the Doctor.
Even after the horrible couple of months she had been having, Buffy couldn’t keep herself from laughing either. “Too much information, Doc,” she said.
The Doctor shrugged his shoulders and reached into his jacket pocket that like the TARDIS was larger on the inside. He pulled out two brass spheres, and showed them to the Slayers. “Confucius gave them to me. He said I worried too much. Of course he was right, that version of me was something of a worrywart,” the Doctor explained. He offered the Chinese Worry Balls to Buffy saying, “Would you like to see them?”
Buffy was still laughing and held her hands up. “No thanks, I’ll pass. I’ll let you keep your balls,” she managed to say between snorts of laughter.
Faith scooped the Chinese Worry Balls out of the Doctor’s hands and had them spinning expertly in hers. “I would never pass up a chance to handle your balls, Doc,” she said with a straight face.
The Doctor smiled at Faith and watched in admiration of her manual dexterity. His smile fell when his memory of 21st century slang and idioms finally caught up with the rest of his mind. “Oh…no…You meant…I didn’t mean,” the Doctor stammered. His shoulders drooped and he closed his eyes, knowing how the next sentence would sound. He held out his hand. “Faith, may I have my balls back please?” the Doctor asked.
This set Buffy and Faith off into another laughing fit. Faith carefully handed the Chinese Worry Balls back to the Doctor. She couldn’t resist winking at him while she did it. She gave his crotch a quick glance, intending to eventually find out if he had a regular set as well.

The Doctor's Faith Healing (chapter 2) by DWduck
http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-23404/DW ... ealing.htm
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[CattyNebulart]

"It's charging up again!" Fate warned, and Ranma reflected that it was probably good she didn't have a body at the moment-She was going to give herself a heart attack, she looked so stressed. Then she looked over at the...the thing, jaws agape and glowing, and decided a LITTLE caution might not be amiss.

"Nyah! Can't hit me!"

Caution manifests somewhat differently in members of the Saotome family.

From fate, stay ranma.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."