ROTFL: MAO!

[LilFluff]

That's similar to the story here. Only it's warlocks developing a spell to see through clothes to the skin below. But if your clothes are leather, which is essentially skin...
For another fun quote. From MITHRIL Report: Female Ops Booklet Chapter 8, we have a daughter of a certain eternally lost boy get a job offer...

"Very well," Mardukas assented with a brief nod. "Our proposal is for
you to sign on with Mithril, specifically on the de Danaan, so that we
are capable of assuming that you had the security clearance to see what
you've seen."
"You want to hire me?" Ino asked, her voice tinged with disbelief. "What, as ship's pet pig?"
"I
was assuming more as an assistant," Mardukas said, earning a surprised
look from Tessa. "The captain stays aboard this ship for long periods of
time, and I'm aware that she has little friendly companionship, since
everyone aboard is both older than and lower ranked than she is."
"Commander Mardukas..." Tessa started, fidgeting with her hands.
"Captain, do you disagree with this course of action?" The commander asked, looking down at the grey haired girl in concern.
"I suppose not," Tessa said, considering. "It would be easy to get Ino-san out of trouble, if she's willing to do it."
"I suppose it's okay," Ino said, rather confused. "If you don't mind that I might randomly get lost or something."
"I'm
afraid that would constitute a breach of contract," Mardukas said, with
a straight face, "However since you haven't agreed to a payment
contract, there would be no monetary consequences."

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[LilFluff]

From chapter 4 of Kittens in Babylon

"You should have come right here," Dr. Franklin said with a lecturing
tone as he glanced toward Shanti and Vivian watching from another part
of the medlab. "Running around with a great bloody hole in your
shoulder. All right, take the jackets off and your weapons, please."
"Right," Rally said, shaking her head as she sat the heavy pistol that had caught Franklin's eye on the table.
"All right, now that that monstrosity is out of..." he paused.
"Wait a minute," Rally said.
With a flick of her left hand, accompanying a wince, a spring-loaded brace pushed out holding a PPG.
"A back up weapon," Garibaldi said in an approving tone from nearby.
"Yeah, you never know," Rally said as she set that on the table next to the pistol.
"Yeah,
it's always nice to have a reserve way to deal death and..." Franklin
stopped as Rally reached around behind her back and produced another
PPG. "Dismemberment."
She reached into her jacket then and drew out a kabar which joined the other weapons on the table.
"Okay,
this is getting a little..." Garibaldi paused as Rally laboriously took
off her jacket and revealed two belts around her waist holding an
exhaustive number of power caps.
"Are you planning on starting a war?" Franklin asked.
"Doctor Franklin," Rally said, wincing as she tried to take the belts off. "If I were geared for war, you'd know it."
"So, is that all the weapons then?" Garibaldi asked.
"That would get in the way of treating my shoulder," Rally confirmed.

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Jorlem]

From chapter 4 of Kittens in Babylon

Snip

Reminds me of this:


-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[LilFluff]

So, I am rereading the beginning of No Tendo as I lost track of the story for a bit. From Chapter 7:

"What are you doing here? You're too old to be students!" said the
yoma-teacher, preparing an attack as several adults entered her
classroom.
"Ahem," said one of the figures stepping through the doors. "Where evil beckons, we're there to take it down!"
"For molesting schoolgirls and touching improperly, we be here to hurt you," said a heavily accented other soldier.
"WHAT?" declared Sailor Moon and Ami together.
"She didn't... did she?" asked Sailor Moon, turning red.
"I DIDN'T!" insisted the flustered teacher-yoma.
"Mercury
Power Make UP! For doing things while I was asleep, I... I... can never
forgive you!" Ami transformed to Sailor Mercury.
"This situation has gotten completely out of control," observed the yoma. "Class..."
"(She's going for a weapon,)" said the one who didn't speak Japanese and had mangled his opening line. "(Eat hot plasma!)" SHOOOM!
"Sailor Moon!" BLAM! "Do not give up!" bing ping chiuuuuuu! "Your cause is right!" clk-clk CHOOOM! "Your aim is true!" brrrrrrt! "So dust the yoma already!"
"RIGHT!" said Sailor Moon, letting fly with her attack.
Sailor Mercury just stared. A lot.
"Sailor Moon!" called out
one of the heavily armed and body-armored Marines. "As long as your
cause is righteous, know that the forces of justice shall rally behind
you!"
"Right!" said a tremendously cheerful Sailor Moon. It was
one thing to be fighting ancient evil demonic beings. It was quite
another that she had people with really big guns deferring to HER when
she was fighting ancient evil demonic beings. It was actually kind of
comforting.
"Uhm, excuse me," said Sailor Mercury. "We don't have to pay for the repairs to the classroom do we?"

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[ECSNorway]

We haven't had a quote from Harry Johnson and the Headmaster's Socks in a while, so I decided we should have one.

"I've got every right to kidnap maidens!" Harry declared in an immensely pompous voice that made him sound startlingly like Cornelius Fudge. "I am after all a dragon, I'll have you know! I have to have a captive young lady or two; my lair would be quite incomplete without them! You can't have dragons going around not kidnapping damsels; it simply wouldn't be proper! I ask you, young people these days, no respect for tradition!"

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Bob Schroeck]

And given that's Doghead Thirteen, that's almost certainly a cross-ref to "Enter The Dragon" as well as whatever it is in context.
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[robkelk]

From http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5144486/27/Infinity]Infinity, chapter 27:

Are you honestly saying you're upset that they aren't going to murder us?

Well, no, but I'm upset they aren't going to try. Yuuno replied defensively. It makes it seem like we don't matter.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[LilFluff]

From No Tendo chapter 21:

Hotaru looked dubiously at the item on the table before her. "This is your 'utility belt'?"
"That's
right!" Ranma replied, grinning mightily. "The way that I figure it, I
need all that I can get ta help me fight. And this will let me carry
around stuff to make sure that I'll have some tricks up my sleeve."
"Like what?"
"Some extra weapons. A couple of smoke bombs. Stuff like that."
"Are you sure that you should go with only that?"
He turned from his appreciation of his belt and looked into a pair of violet eyes. "Are you saying that ya don't like it?"
"Oh, no! Of course not! It's just that..."
"What?"
"If you're going to carry that around, then why not put something like a bit of food, or a first aid pack?"
"That's a good idea, ya know."
"You think so? I'm glad..." she whispered, a little blush rising on her pale cheeks. "I was worried..."
"Ya were? Why would ya be?"
"Well, when you first started telling me about it, you reminded me about something that I've heard some of the soldiers say."
"What 'something' are you talking about?"
"They
kept on talking about a 'man purse', and to tell the truth, it sounded
like what you were describing at first," Hotaru admitted a little
bashfully.
His only response was to stare at her dully as he found
himself pleased that she didn't say that she considered his belt to be a
'man purse' at all.

From Chapter 22

Sailor Neptune felt less than elegant when her booted foot found a
little puddle of molecular grease. After an alarming thud, a quick
slide, and a painful stop, she looked up into the eyes of the little
girl who seemed to be concerned.
"Uhm, hi?" asked the little girl.
"Hello," said Sailor Neptune.
"You're not supposed to be here, are you?" asked the little girl.
"Well, no, not really," admitted Sailor Neptune.
"I'm
Skuld," said the little girl. "I'm from the Vanir. I was given
permission to come here with any assistants I might need. You know what
that means?"
"No," admitted Neptune, still having a headache and considerable trepidation.
Skuld handed her an odd wrench-like device. "Help me attach the transphasic adaptor here, assistant."

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[LilFluff]

After having posted long quotes, here is a short one. From No Tendo chapter 32. Set in Senate hearings apparently presided by our old friend Mr. Kinsey. One of Earth's allies introduces himself to the hearing:

"Thor, Asgard, Aesir branch," said the 'Roswell gray' sort of alien. "I
can only stay a couple of moments, and am legally restrained only to
make a few cryptic comments."

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[zojojojo]

“I told you, they got into a pissing match,” Cypher said.

“So who won the fight?” Beastboy asked.

“There was no fight,” Copycat smirked.

Magik sighed. “Copycat copied his powers and became a nine foot tall green mountain of muscle, destroying everything he was wearing so he was naked.”

“I had to pee before the Hulk showed up,” Copycat explained.

“The Hulk transforms from a wimpy little scientist into a towering behemoth of rage, amplifying what he was by an order of magnitude,” Cypher explained.

“Not only am I better built than a wimpy little scientist, I am also better hung,” Copycat smirked.

“Don't tell me,” Raven said looking a little green herself.

“You know how guys will write their name in snow?” Cypher asked, “Well Copycat wrote his name in the concrete.”

“Dude!” Beastboy stared wide eyed.

Copycat took a deep breath and all the New Mutants plugged their ears just before he roared out, “Copycat's urethra is strongest one there is!”

Beastboy, Raven and Galatea just started in shock and horror.

“And every time he tells the story he yells that,” Cypher sighed.

“I scared off the Hulk with my manhood, I am never going to stop telling that story,” Copycat said proudly.

“I still say it’s because you confused him and he couldn't remember how to spell Hulk,” Sunspot muttered.

from http://www.tthfanfic.org/wholestory.php?no=22783]copycat by dogbertcarroll
-Z, Post-reader at Medium
----
If architects built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

[LilFluff]

No Tendo, Ch 34

"'Gauron'?" asked the teacher, trying to remain calm and cool despite some of the people present.
"International terrorist," said Mao absently. "On Interpol's 'Top Ten Sociopaths To Be Brought In Dead And Dismembered' list."
"I'm sure Interpol doesn't have a list like that," said Eri Kagurazaka.
"Publicly
- no, ... Privately though - it's one of those inconvenient
truths that some people are so inherently dangerous that killing them is
the only option to avoid any chance of them getting free and killing
more people."

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Wiregeek]

From the latest chapter of Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

"This is going to go horribly mind-bogglingly wrong somehow," said Harry, still smiling hugely. "You know that, right?""Oh,
I know," said Hermione. She ate another bite of toast. "That reminds
me, Dumbledore refused to be my mysterious old wizard, is there
someplace I can write to get another one?"

---

"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[Jorlem]

From Synesthesia, chapter 8.

"He... he has?" Ryoga asked, his eyes widening. The grey haired man
nodded. Ryoga's hands scrunched up into fists, and he turned his face to
the sky yelling "Ranma Saotome, you bastard! How dare you not tell me
you found him! I'm going to kill you!"
The grey haired man,
otherwise known as Kozo Fuyutsuki, nodded sharply. As he'd thought, the
strangely dressed man wasn't a security risk, simply another assassin
out for NERV's Strategic Operations Officer. Waving absently, he turned
to the bus station to travel to his apartment.

-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jorlem]

Gendo let out a small sigh, a nod conceding the point. "Eventually he will discover that this is not his world."

"Yes… And what then, Ikari?" Fuyutsuki asked.

"At current I'm not sure...but this changes the Scenario, considerably," Gendo said flatly. Fuyutsuki couldn't help a smirk.

"No sitcom-esque antics to preserve the illusion?"

"That would just be a waste of time," Gendo said. "Inform everyone to keep to the status quo, for now."

From Castling, chapter 2.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6692889/2/
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[LilFluff]

From Synthesia Chapter 8 (link above)

"Well, I know, the production model beats it!" Asuka said, assuredly,
just as the deck beneath them shook. Quickly, all of the children
charged out of the cargo area and to a rail. "It looks like I get to
prove it!" The Second Child grinned, as they saw a large shape carve its
way through the water, smashing into, and through, one of the carrier
fleet's tender vessels. "Come on, let's go!"
The First Child and
the military otaku followed Asuka down a set of stairs and to a locker,
where she pulled out several bright red plug suits and tossed two of
them at the others. "What is our course of action?" Rei asked, looking
dubiously down at her suit.
"We're going to fight the Angel, and you two are coming with me," Asuka replied.
Kensuke
looked like Christmas had come early, even though his first gift was a
pair of black socks as he looked down at the plugsuit in his hands. That
was, of course, until Rei reached over and removed it from them. "Huh?"
he asked, confused.
"NERV subsidiary regulation 22141-C, Kensuke
Aida is not allowed within one meter of an Entry Plug except in the
direst of emergencies," Rei stated, deadpan. "Please report to the main
deck and return to the carrier."
As Kensuke left the area,
climbing back up the stairs, Asuka looked at the other girl strangely
while removing her dress. "You made that up, didn't you?"
Rei said nothing.

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Jorlem]

“Kusakabe Yuuichi-sensei got into accident last week, and
is been, unfortunately, unable to continue in his work as the P.E
teacher of this school. That was why I was contacted, and for the next
two years, I will be your P.E teacher. Is that clear, mongrels??”
Mongrels? Somehow Emiya Shirou felt vaguely familiar with this voice, and the words he used…
“Let’s
make some things clear at first. While you’re here, in this P.E class,
you shall obey my every word, mongrels. I am the king of the P.E
classes, and you will do well to remember that”, he boomed on with
charismatic voice. “However, I am not a tyrant. For those who shall
follow me will be bestowed with treasures more than your mongrelic minds
can handle! I shall make you all as good as the original P.E class I
have in my va-…that I met once.”

Guess who the new P.E. teacher is.  From here.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[Jinx999]

From In Flight, chapter 13:

"I don't know! That's why I had to call you, onii-chan! I need advice!""Advice? On what?" Now I was starting to feel more confused than anything else. What on earth was going on?
"The
boy! He keeps going on and on about these 'Sekirei' things or
'Ashikabi' whatevers," I could hear Yukari take a deep breath, and then
she concluded in a rush, "I think he wants to be my sex slave!"

[LilFluff]

From Nobody Dies, chapter 86 I'm not sure which line I find more amusing...

And Pieter grimaces."That's not good."
No, Pieter. That is almost the exact opposite of Good. I would classify it as Doog.

or

"Boo~oring," Rei says, "I fought Cthulu. And he was way scarier than you!"

No... I do believe this is my favorite line.

"I believe so. Sometimes it does feel like we exist for the universe to give people examples of what not to do."

-----

Will the transhumanist future have catgirls? Does Japan still exist? Well, there is your answer.

[Shepherd]

Violence Inherent in the System: www.fanfiction.net/s/5619147/18/Violenc ... the_System

Back at the pool. Lord- errrr, Young Lady Voldemort was staring at her hand. Her pale, delicate hand. Almost on autopilot, she slowly emerged from the pool and sat on the ridge between it and its neighbor. Without any words, she conjured a mirror.
She was young. Mid-teens perhaps. Her complexion was smooth and clear... her nose cute and her lips just a touch on the pouty side. Voldemort pulled her wand up and wordlessly cast a drying charm over her person followed by a simple hair styling charm she last used when Tom Riddle was still well known and respected. The end result was a smooth, silky mass of wavy black hair framing eyes of silvery-grey. In truth... the Dark 'Lord' thought she looked like she could be related to Pot- Potter. Harry Potter. How could she forget him even for the shortest of moments? After all, her life revolved around that boy, even when she was a dirty stinky snake-man.

It was in this realization that the 'power he knows not' struck. Harry Potter lived with the power of Jusenkyo in him, but the prophecy didn't actually say Potter had to wield his mysterious power directly... only that he would possess it. Defeat knew many forms and death was but one of them. Harry and Tom Riddle would meet again, but it would not be a confrontation that Tom or Harry or Albus expected. The heavy hand of karma fell on Lord Voldemort's cold black soul with a fiery passion. Spring of Drowned Blushing Bride indeed.

Voldemort's face went red as her thoughts began to betray her. Visions leaked into her mind. Visions of Harry and what it would be like to... or maybe to... or to give him some... she just couldn't stand it any longer.

"HARRRRRYYYYYYY!" The Dark Young Lady sang to the heavens. "I'M COMING FOR YOOUUUUU!"

----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Black Aeronaut]

BWA?

Okay, nnnnnot touchin' that one, not even with a ten foot pole. (O_o

[Epsilon]

BWA?

Okay, nnnnnot touchin' that one, not even with a ten foot pole. (O_o

It's the fanfic where women view having sex with Harry as the social equivalent of shaking hands. I guess the author ran out of attractive women to have throw themselves fawning at his feet so he needed to make more.
---------------
Epsilon

[Matrix Dragon]

BWA?

Okay, nnnnnot touchin' that one, not even with a ten foot pole. (O_o

It's the fanfic where women view having sex with Harry as the social equivalent of shaking hands.

You know, that actually doesn't narrow down the list of Harry Potter fics in the slightest. I swear, the kid's turned into a memetic sex god...

[Jorlem]

BWA?

Okay, nnnnnot touchin' that one, not even with a ten foot pole. (O_o

It's the fanfic where women view having sex with Harry as the social equivalent of shaking hands.

You know, that actually doesn't narrow down the list of Harry Potter fics in the slightest. I swear, the kid's turned into a memetic sex god...

You know, I was enjoying that fic, up until that point. I thought that the author had done a decent job turning Voldemort into a believable villain, and there was all sorts of foreshadowing dropped that made me think he was going to become Death Phantom, from the second season of Sailor Moon. Then that happened.
-----
Stand between the Silver Crystal and the Golden Sea.
"Youngsters these days just have no appreciation for the magnificence of the legendary cucumber."  --Krityan Elder, Tales of Vesperia.

[BYapes]

 A couple from the newest chapter of Gundam SEED Serenity:
 Ramming always works, I guess...

Meanwhile

"What did you say?"

Makoto stared at the screen, dumbfounded by what she'd heard; he was kidding, right?

"Ascendant Justice's weapons systems are online," repeated Mustang. "Ma'am, I know they're still experimental, but I think we should use them on the relay station... or just smash Justice into the thing."

Makoto shook her head, both in response and in surprise -- the prototype weapon systems aboard the Ascendant Justice weren't supposed to be active for another two weeks.

"No," said Makoto. "We don't have time to properly test them and make sure they'll work. Keep them in reserve; unless the situation changes, we should save them for Daedalus."

"Then please let me smash the relay."

"Ramming always works... " muttered Makoto. "But even with the Justice's defenses, I don't want to take chances; we're going to need it when we attack Daedalus. Unless the situation swings even more in our favor, we'll stick to the original plan."

Mustang sighed. "Very well... and I was really looking forward to using this base the way it's supposed to be used... offensively, anyway."

"You'll get your chance at Daedalus."

 What is it with this family and long, dramatic lines anyways?!?

"Reine En Creuset, Fortuna Gundam, I will cast off the final shadow of my father!" called Suiren, stating her oath, her goal, in this battle.

"Makoto Arata!" called Makoto, grabbing the camouflage as she stated her own goal. "I will cut free the last anchor on the Spirit of Divinity with the power of the Gundam!" She tore off the camouflage, easily shifting her machine into a combat stance even as she heard gasps of shock over the radio.

Its eyes flashed bright blue. Its entire body showed clearly its age, but its Phase Shift armor activated as it stood proud, returned to the battlefield at long last...

"Dauntless!"

And finally, one from the newest chapter of Infinity (Nanoha)

"There's energy in the void? You'd think it would be empty." Vita said.

"Yes, well..."

"I mean, it's called a 'void'."

"Well, I..."

"But there's energy in it. So it's not really a void at all."

Amy sighed. "Hayate?"

"Bad children sleep on the couch, Vita." Hayate said primly.

Vita stopped talking.

"Please go on, Miss Amy."

 BYapes
Brian Y.
Seed Chronicles

[paladindythe]

This is a gem from School Spirit, Ch. 6


 (context: They're onboard the Hogwarts Express, and Harry's hiding his scar with a cap.)

A blonde, with all the sneering attitude of a trust fund baby came by looking for me while Neville was out looking for a prefect. Blondie announced that he was looking for Harry Potter, sneeringly stated that Potter would never be caught with a pair of mudbloods, and then he and his thugs flounced off. I guess I could have mentioned my name, but it was simply too funny not to.

I admit, his logic seemed a bit suspect. The Potters had never been fans of blood purity. Why he thought a Potter wouldn't be hanging out with muggleborns was beyond me - everything I'd read about my family says we hung out with who we darn well pleased. I did recognize Blondie's name from my everybook – his family was practically the poster child for blood purism.

According to a scribbled note in what looked like my mother's hand, the Malfoy's were also a warning against having a family tree with no branches.

I told Hermione that being accused of not being inbred enough for Malfoy's tastes simply wasn't the insult he thought it was. She was still giggling when Neville returned. I liked to see her laugh. I got the impression she didn't get to be involved in many shared jokes.