A brief little filksong, composed by Heather Rose Jones and performed by Julia Ecklar: Black Widows in the Privy. (It predates Worm, but it could also be called "Taylor Hebert's advice to would-be killers".)
Effect: One target human suffers the urgent need to use the loo. Whatever privy, washroom stall, or what-have-you the target runs into, there will be a Black Widow spider (if there happens to be an existing one within Doug's AoE, it'll get teleported there, and returned when the song ends; otherwise, a simulacrum Black Widow will materialize), placed at random. Contrary to the song's guarantee, the target will have to provoke the spider into biting (sitting or stepping on it works, but if the spider showed up on the ceiling or a wall, it's not terribly likely).
The Gods Are Not Crazy, written and performed by Leslie Fish. This is probably one of Urd's favourite songs. Note: as you may notice, Fish pronounces "UFOs" in the last verse as a two-syllable word, sounding like "yew-foes".
Effect: This is one or both of Area Effect: Falling Down Drunk and Area Effect: Fortean Phenomena.
Never Set the Cat On Fire (Instructions for a child living on a spaceship), by Frank Hayes.
Effect: I'm not sure if this should prevent dumbass attacks, or inflict them.
Quote:Everyone knows someone we'd be better off without;
But best not mention names, for we don't know who's about!
But why commit a murder, and risk the fires of Hell,
When black widows in the privy can do it just as well?
Now poison's good, and daggers and arrows in the back,
And if you're feeling desperate you can try a front attack!
But are they really worthy of the risk of being caught,
When black widows in the privy need not be bribed or bought?
So if there's one of whom you wish most simply to be rid,
Just wait 'til dark and point the way to where the widow's hid,
And say to them "I think you'll find that this one is the best",
And black widows in the privy will gladly do the rest!
Effect: One target human suffers the urgent need to use the loo. Whatever privy, washroom stall, or what-have-you the target runs into, there will be a Black Widow spider (if there happens to be an existing one within Doug's AoE, it'll get teleported there, and returned when the song ends; otherwise, a simulacrum Black Widow will materialize), placed at random. Contrary to the song's guarantee, the target will have to provoke the spider into biting (sitting or stepping on it works, but if the spider showed up on the ceiling or a wall, it's not terribly likely).
The Gods Are Not Crazy, written and performed by Leslie Fish. This is probably one of Urd's favourite songs. Note: as you may notice, Fish pronounces "UFOs" in the last verse as a two-syllable word, sounding like "yew-foes".
Quote:Look out the window and what do you spy?
Rain falling out of a sun-shiny sky!
It's changing to hailstones that weigh half a ton,
With seven live frogs hopping out of each one!
It's not the Last Judgement, stop wailing of sin,
It's only the Gods at wine-tasting again!
Quote:CHORUS:
So Drink, drink, to Charlie Fort's memory,
Marvellous doings and marvellous sights!
Drink, drink, we may as well join them:
The Gods are not crazy, they're higher than kites!
When strange objects tumble from out of the clouds,
Stay under cover, for Thor's gotten plowed!
Those odd, manlike creatures are not saucer men,
But shapeshifting Mercurys, plastered again!
It's not Armageddon, it's only a sign
That this season's Ambrosia really is fine!
CHORUS
Weird cloven hoof-prints dance all up and down,
To glow on the streets and the walls of your town,
Made by some creature that ran on two legs!
Plus the sheep are all pregnant, and the roosters laid eggs!
Don't blame the Devil, or run for the hills;
It's only old Pan, and he's crocked to the gills!
CHORUS
Eerie lights blossom all over the sky:
Put on your sunscreen, Apollo is high!
The boulders have moved and the animals talk:
A tiddly Great Goddess is out for a walk.
Don't wail of UFOs, there's nothing to fear…
Just be thankful the drink's not this good every year!
CHORUS
Effect: This is one or both of Area Effect: Falling Down Drunk and Area Effect: Fortean Phenomena.
Never Set the Cat On Fire (Instructions for a child living on a spaceship), by Frank Hayes.
Quote:Never set the cat on fire:
You only will annoy it.
The heat will make the beast perspire;
It surely won't enjoy it.
Likewise do not ignite the dog,
The snake, the gerbil, or the frog.
No, never set the cat on fire.
Quote:CHORUS:
And mind your manners
As circumstances may require,
And never set the cat on fire.
Don't open up the cabin hatch:
The air is sure to leave it.
And air is very hard to catch;
You never will retrieve it.
And even though your life's a bore,
Don't open the reactor door!
Don't open up the cabin hatch.
CHORUS
Don't change the navigator's data:
Someone's sure to see ya.
You know the captain's view of that: a
Very bad idea.
He doesn't want his ship to race
Forever lost in endless space!
Don't change the navigator's data.
CHORUS
Don't start an interstellar war:
It has no helpful uses.
When someone asks you, "What's it for?",
You'll only make excuses.
If thirty trillion folks get hurt,
You'll go to bed with no dessert!
Don't start an interstellar war.
CHORUS
Effect: I'm not sure if this should prevent dumbass attacks, or inflict them.
