ROTFL: The comeback

[Bob Schroeck]

Very fun. If only it were more than three chapters long...
-- Bob
---------
Then the horns kicked in...
...and my shoes began to squeak.

[Wolff]

Thanks for the linkage. I think this was my favorite line:

Pig-fucker actually rates below genital warts in the Shinji Lexicon of things I like.

-WFalling out of aeroplanes and hiding out in holes

Waiting for the sunset to come, people going home

Jump out from behind them and shoot them in the head

Now everybody dancing the dance of the dead

[ECSNorway]

"Can I drop you somehwere?" asked the Doctor.

"Ha ha," said the parachute. "Drop me somewhere. That's very funny. Up on the esplanade will be fine, I'll call in my remote from there."

"It might take a while. There's somebody I want to talk to first."

"Doesn't bother me. I can work on my trees anywhere."

The Doctor waded towards the harbour wall. "What kind of trees?"

"I'm designing one that will grow on an asteroid."

"Sounds simple," said the Doctor. "An atavistic silicon outer shell, gallium-arsenic solar cell leaves driving a pico-electric systolic pumping system."

"That part's simple enough," said the parachute. "It's getting it to look like an apple tree that's a bugger."

From the delightful Doctor Who / The Culture crossover by Ben Aaronovitch, The Also People
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[robkelk]

MARLAEL: ... Yeah, there is something you can do for me, now that you mention it.

LUCIFER (smiling darkly): And what might that be?

MARLAEL (deadpan): You got a light?

From http://www.eyrie-productions.com/45/

 
 
--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[kentmagus]

Team Seven: Substitute Shinobi-from our three author-avatar ninja.

"I see Gai's team," Neshan reported.



"What are they doing down there?" Shikanenai asked.






"Looks like they're just milling around. There are a couple of genin blocking the entrance to a second floor classroom. Could be a fight. What
about up there?"






"Kakashi's reading his book outside the classroom he told us to go to," Katsu replied.






"Do you ever feel sorry for people who use, you know, doors and corridors and stuff?" asked Shikanenai as he fiddled with the latch of the
window leading into the examroom.

[A117]

Petrol Attendant: Wait! Are you going to pay for all of that?

T-850: Talk to the hand.

Scene from T3

[Herr Bad Moon]

He walked in and saw Dobby sitting cross-legged on the kitchen table, looking worriedly at a drunk Sirius.
“Great news!” Sirius cheered loudly.
Harry looked at Sirius doubtfully.
“Malfoy Manor is still burning,” Sirius happily added, showing off the Daily Prophet’s front page photo. A column of flame could be seen escaping a good sized hole in the roof. “Lucius is being cited for not registering a class one restricted item as a family heirloom.”
Harry wasn’t certain but he thought he saw Dobby smile. “I set it for fifteen minutes.”
“You set it for fifteen days,” Sirius happily corrected.
“Oops,” Harry said thinking that as mistakes go, this one was pretty fucking awesome.

From the latest chapter of A Black Comedy.
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

[yesilmavi]

http://xkcd.com/386/#
This one is so true.

[ECSNorway]

“YES!” she cried suddenly, thrusting her fists, and dripping pigeon halves, into the air in exultation. “I am so totally rubbing this in Ino’s face!”
Naruto’s eyes lit up with glee and mischief, and he nudged Hinata. “Now that’s a girl I can get behind! It’s one thing to beat your friend out for a date, it’s a whole different bird to shove a mangled pigeon in her face!”
“She is a credit to my gender,” Hinata deadpanned.

From the latest chapter of People Lie.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Sweno]

where did you get chapter 13 of people lie?

It's not on Fanfiction.net nor on his blog (linked from fanfiction.net)
-Terry
-----
"so listen up boy, or pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing to happen to you today"
TF2: Spy

[ECSNorway]

http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfict ... topic=7471
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Angryoptimist]

ECSNorway wrote:

---

http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfict ... topic=7471

You do not have permission to view this board

Which I get after signing up. Seems like they review each account individually before approving them for, well, anything whatsoever. Posting
permissions, I understand, but just looking at stuff? Oh, come on. I mean, what, does it contain, state secrets?
Does the staff of the Pentagon frequent that fanfic board? Every day the Internet just gets sillier and sillier.

Seems to me, you ought to just keep stuff you don't want out in the wild off the Internet entirely, rather than rely on passworded barriers to largely plaintext communication. Pfui.

• XKCD #1288
  
• FoxReplace for Firefox

Two great tastes that go great together!

[ECSNorway]

Dunno. I didn't have any trouble getting access to it, I think it's mostly just to keep spammers and rant-flamers out.
But I do have to ROFLMAO again over some of the author's commentary:

However, it wasn't the pigeon pecking at his eyes, it was a side effect of being flooded with the Kyubi's chakra. As mentioned earlier, both he and Hinata made some sort of deal with the Kyubi in an unspecified circumstance for unspecified reasons. The side effects have also been largely unspecified. Only a couple have been said, or implied with any detail. For Hinata, it permanently activated her byakugan with such force that it exploded the blood vessels that always bulge around her eyes when she uses it. For Sasuke, it permanently activated his sharingan with the same force, but his body handles the strain of its bloodline differently. Instead of bursting the flesh around his eyes, it popped vessels in them, resulting in him appearing to cry blood. That was why, at the beginning of the very first scene, he had trouble opening his eyes, they were crusted in blood. But they healed while he was out of chakra, which had reduced the strain, only now he's made another sacrifice for power. Every time he makes a blood sacrifice and summons a piece of Naruto's power, he'll burst those same vessels again and again.
So, in short, emo-boy's powers are directly tied to how much he cries.
Yeah, I WENT THERE.
'Go cry more, emo-kid,' is not an insult, it's Naruto telling him to hurry up and kill someone.

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Norgarth]

From chapter 16 of 'A Black Comedy' http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3401052/17/A_Black_Comedy

Harry transfigured Sirus, Remus and Kretcher into midgets and took them to a park. Now they are back and Harry is asking what they have learned from this
experience.

Sirius was tugging on the straps across his chest. "I learned that just because you can fit into a toddler's leash harness, doesn't mean
it'll be comfortable."

"Oh!" Kreacher raised his hand. "Kreacher learned it's easy to tie a leash in a knot, if Kreacher loops it around Master's neck
first."

Sirius frowned at Kreacher. "Don't think I've forgotten about that."

"Kreacher also learned carousels can be magicked to go faster."

Remus grinned. "I suppose I learned that toddler harnesses are strong enough to handle the centrifugal forces of a carousel."

Sirius sighed. "I learned that if you're being dragged on the ground by a magicked carousel, then it's funny to throw up. But only for as
long as it takes to make one revolution."

"Yes," Kreacher agreed thinking of another. "Kreacher learned Master had a bacon and bacon sandwich for lunch."

Sirius nodded while scratching his normal sized head on his midget sized body. "And I reckon I learned that I need to chew my food more."

"I learned," Harry said smiling brightly with Tonks, "that sometimes three rolls of film just isn't enough."

"And I learned," Tonks deviously grinned, "how useful disillusioning a pair of omnioculars can be."

"See?" Sirius said. "We all learned a lot. No need to repeat or ever mention this day again."

"Is that it?" Harry asked Tonks who still looked skeptical. He turned back towards the sofa. "Nothing else you guys learned?"

"Kreacher learned Master can be a cruel and vindictive bastard," Kreacher happily supplied.

"I already knew that," Sirius and Remus both said at the same time.

"I don't mean to… belittle you," Harry said, relishing in the staggered groans from everyone other than the confused house elf.
"But Kreacher meant it as a compliment."

___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[yesilmavi]

you can get in with the password/login from http://www.bugmenot.com/

p/l: bugmenot

http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfict ... topic=7471

[TheTwisted1]

Looking at the various flashing lights coming from the inside of the warehouse, Harold frowns and says, "That's an awful lot of firepower being
thrown around for one partially transformed Deep One hybrid and maybe six or seven of his buddies, especially in a hostage situation."




With a voice that says that he's frowning behind the mask, the Soul of the Outer Gods says, "We're still working on fire control…"




Chuckling again, Harold takes a drag on his cigarette before saying, "Okay, you've been working on this little project for at least twenty years,
probably more, to get the pop culture sufficiently embedded that the girls question all this minimally."




"You always were a clever one," Nyarlathotep says mockingly.




"Ha ha," Harold says dryly before saying, "Although at least this explains Yu-Gi-Oh."

From a bit posted on StarDestroyer.net of a dead fanfic project entitled "Sailor
Cthulhu."

--The Twisted One

---

"If you
wish to converse with me, define your
terms."

--Voltaire

[Jinx999]

From Void Dogs:

Pretend that the feats of seeming enchantment, alchemy, and sorcery which are occasionally depicted or alluded to in this story are only made possible by
artifacts left behind by sufficiently advanced alien precursors with zero point energy or possibly total mass conversion power plants that provide an almost
unlimited power supply for miraculous feats of quantum waveform manipulation which rely upon subconscious microscale telekinesis from the "wizard"
as a consequence of the observer effect, because that makes so much more sense than magic and makes the story so much easier to get into, because it could
really happen.

Throw some nanites in, too, if it helps.

[ECSNorway]

Imagine a world where the right words can literally and directly make things happen, where getting one of those words wrong can wreak unbelieveable havoc,
but where, with the right spell, you can summon immensely powerful agencies to work your will. Imagine further that this world is administered: There is an
extensive division of labor, among the magicians themselves and between the magicians and those who coordinate their activity. It's bureaucratic, and
also (therefore) chaotic, and it's full of people at desks muttering curses and writing invocations, all beavering away at a small part of the big
picture. The coordinators, because they don't understand what's going on, are easy prey for smooth-talking preachers of bizarre cults that demand
arbitrary sacrifices and vanish with large amounts of money.




Welcome...




To the IT Department.

From the introduction to the SFBC collected edition of Charles Stross' 'The Laundry' stories.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Norgarth]

A short bit from 'The Sky People' by S.M. Stirling

Space travel had solved a lot of ancient questions, among them how cats would react to zero-G. It turned out that their basic response was to swim through
the air towards the nearest human face, latch on with all four paws, claws out, and scream their heads off.

___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[ECSNorway]

From the Bleach version of Skippy's List:

142. While Captain Kurotsuchi has agreed not to experiment upon participants in such peaceful extra-curricular activities as Vice-Captain Kurotsuchi's Exalted campaigns, he makes no such promise regarding those playing Live Action Paranoia in the Twelth Division's headquarters.

142a. Colorcoding shinigami uniforms to denote rank and authority is not permitted. They were black when the dinosaurs died out, they were black when the Captain-General killed his first Hollow and they were black when the dinosaurs evolved. They're staying black.

143b. Captain Gin is reminded that telling citizens of Rukongai that happiness is mandatory and then asking if they are happy does not present an image of the Shinigami that is harmonious.

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Kokuten]

so our exam finishes and i go to hand my paper in about 2 mins late, and the tite-arsed teacher says "sorry no more exams to be handed in it's too late you get zero" so i go "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!" and she goes all cocky and says "no, i do not" so i go "good" i pick up the papers and slid my exam in somewhere in the middle of them all.

Bash.orgWire Geek - Burning the weak and trampling the dead since 1979

[drakensis]

Glad you liked those ones.
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[Shepherd]

Ino opened her mouth to retort, but something caught her eye. Flashes of orange, high in the sky, moving erratically. Blinking, she realized that it was
Naruto's orange pants and pale orange shirt she was seeing as he made bunshins over and over, flying through the sky over Konoha as high as the top of
Hokage memorial.

"Oh my god," she whispered, staring at the flying blond, who was drifting nearly directly overhead.

Shikamaru glanced at her, looked up, and blinked in astonishment. "What the fuck?"

"Barbeque?" Chouji said thoughtfully. Then, he, too, looked up.

-People Lie, Chapter 13
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[Norgarth]

from chapter 22 of 'Shinji and Warhammer 40K'

Gendo has just dissmissed Fuyutsuki:

Gendo turned to behold the geofront. Every


motion, every word he made; it was all so precalculated and ominous. Schwiiing. Even


to the sound of deeming further conversation meaningless.

"... did you actually say 'Schwiiing!' as you turned your chair around?

Gendo merely entered into a profound silence.

___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[drakensis]

“I don’t know what they plan to do to him once they get him,” Jiraiya said, mostly honestly. “Maybe experimentation, maybe dissection, maybe they just plan to cook him up and eat him. Your brother hangs out with a freaky crowd. Point is we aren’t going to let them get Naruto, so their intentions at this point don’t matter.”
“They’re planning to cook me and eat me?” Naruto interrupted shrilly. “I taste bad. That toad can tell them I taste really bad!”

“They probably aren’t planning to eat you,” Jiraiya said with a sigh.

“He was embellishing, you idiot,” Sasuke said.

“What does this have to do with salad?”

“That’s garnishing!” Sasuke said, putting his hand against his head as he winced in pain. “They wouldn’t eat you. They’d be too afraid to catch stupid!”

The Truth Decays
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.