ROTFL: The comeback

[Norgarth]

(Kasumi, refering to Ranma)

The more reliable method for him to deliver a brief message was for her to hear a kunai impacting the large post set near the kitchen window. She wasn't aware of just what his range was with hitting that post with the thin daggers, but it was just as impressive as the other stunts he pulled off so casually. Those daggers had been a gift from her to prevent him from trying to send her a message by bird again.

It sounded like a reasonable way to send a short written missive, but the poor sparrow had been fairly well dazed after impacting the wall like that. It was also over joyed to have the letter it was wrapped in removed so that it could fly away. Kasumi had come close to scolding Ranma when she told him that the message was supposed to be a slip of paper attached to the leg. Ranma had reasonably countered that the bird didn't know where the house was, so it wasn't like it would just fly up and offer her the message.

from an episode on the Anime Addventure
http://addventure.bast-enterprises.de/206262.html
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[yesilmavi]

from a naruto fanfic. Found it funny because i was not expecting it.

http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_c ... &id=153627

Wiggling free of the cluster of tied villagers he'd hidden among, Akamaru was much amused by that last fact. He yipped brotherly insults and encouragement
with equal abandon now that the battle was won.

As the Leaf-nin began to untie the groups of Takigakure citizens, the village's medic-nin made her way over to inspect Suien with a diagnostic jutsu.
"He's alive, but his inner coils are like, totally destroyed," she pronounced. "He will never be able to use chakra again. If his body even
recovers enough to run, he'll be mondo lucky."

Suien groaned and his eyes fluttered open. "I would have... got away with it too... if it wasn't for those... nosy kids and their dog..."

Akamaru growled and smacked the missing-nin with his tail, the small impact enough to send him spiraling back into unconsciousness. Victorious, the small white
pup barked proudly. "Arf wa-wuff awoo!"

[drakensis]

'Artillery is the King of War, Infantry is the Queen of the Battlefield. And it is well known what the King does to the Queen.'

Used in Armageddon, although it's referenced as being a quote from elsewhere.
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[yesilmavi]

"Commander Vimes was NOT having a good day. Crime had been on the rise, unauthorized crime that is, and some of it was decidedly odd. The current trend
seemed to be a sort of anti-mugging, with some mysterious figure lying in wait for muggers before attacking. Even more bizarre was the nature of the crime
itself; they'd had to add a new crime to the law books: assault with intent to bathe. This mysterious vigilante was literally attempting to 'clean
up' crime in the city. To Vimes, it seemed rather insulting that his time would be wasted with this nonsense, instead of on more important matters. Then
again, at least the crimina...ah, victims storming into his office were cleaner and better smelling than usual."

from http://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-15918-21 ... e+Maou.htm

(there are also a number of funny shorts that are in http://z14.invisionfree.com/The_Fanfict ... 590&st=870

in the style of groundhog naruto from different writers (including drakensis, case13/fosfor and http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3022400/7/T ... rtal_Style
))

[drakensis]

The Groundhog Naruto shorts posted are that author's. The full selection can be found on TFF, although I'm collecting some of mine for reposting
somewhere that does not require membership.
D for Drakensis

You're only young once, but immaturity is forever.

[ECSNorway]

"And as she rose from the pool, tears of joy filled her eyes,
and she cried to the heavens, 'Thank you, oh Holy Ones, for this
OUCH! "

"You were doing okay, until that bit," Ranma said after
withdrawing her fist from the top of Cologne's head. "But you know
damn well I kinda went nuts and tried to kill Pops instead."

"It was poetic license," grumbled the elder.

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Cobalt Greywalker]

ECSNorway wrote:

---

"And as she rose from the pool, tears of joy filled her eyes,


and she cried to the heavens, 'Thank you, oh Holy Ones, for this


OUCH! "






"You were doing okay, until that bit," Ranma said after


withdrawing her fist from the top of Cologne's head. "But you know


damn well I kinda went nuts and tried to kill Pops instead."






"It was poetic license," grumbled the elder.

I guess it's my turn to say 'Link please?'

[Black Aeronaut]

These are actually from one of the Full Metal Panic! light novels, and one that was never animated. Most unfortunate as it would have made a wonderful
addition to the Fumofuu series. Setting is a school play featuring Kaname as Cinderella and Sousuke as the Fairy Godmother. The last bit was that part that
really killed me though.

Chidori: "Thanks, but how am I supposed to get to the ball?"

Sousuke: "No problem. Do as I say. First, bring me a pumpkin, four mice, a lizard..."

Chidori: "Okay..."

Sousuke: "And an assault rifle, one shotgun..."

Chidori: "What...?"

Sousuke: "Two dozen grenades, 160 rounds of 5.56mm bullets, three cases of C4, and six Claymore mines...."

---------------

Chidori: "Oh no, the clock struck twelve!!"

Sousuke: "Hurry up! We've gotta get out of here?"

Chidori: "Why are you here?"

Sousuke: "My service includes after care to help you escape"

Chidori: "What's that in your hand?"

Sousuke: "It's a magic Remington M870. It comes pre-equipped with a rubberball slug."

Chidori: "And what's that? A magic hand grenade?"

Sousuke: "No, this is a HOLY HAND GRENADE. Legend has it that King Arthur himself used it."

(Reference to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." The author, Gatoh Shoji is a self-proclaimed Monty Python buff.)

[Jinx999]

When I was planning on writing a Full Metal Panic fic, I was planning to refer to that (which is bloody hilarious - read the whole thing if you can find it).
Kaname comes to school complaining about a weird dread she had. It'd make a better dream sequence than a school play.

[DHBirr]

This is not a fanfiction, but from a comic strip (Internet-only publication, but not a webcomic in the usual sense of the term). It's so hilarious, however, that I had to share it here. Note: if they're really uptight at your company, this might be NSFW, because the man is nude.
  
I find myself wondering how Doug Sangnoir would react to Drusilla. On the one hand, she is a demon, and proud of it (revels in it). On the other, she's so genuinely in love with a human that she's opposed Hell's interests to protect him, despite knowing that he's in love with someone else.
Oh, and the sig I currently use is a quote from her.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Herr Bad Moon]

From the recently released chapter 27 of Shinji and Warhammer 40k

Shinji gnashed his teeth. "This is grossly unfair!" he shot out. He knew why they were

doing it, but would not let them slide by that hypocrisy. "I call for compensation! The

prosecution has the advantage of spear and magic helmet!"

"Spear and magic helmet?" Lama Feckledraft called out, his voice pitched oddly.

"Spear and magic helmet!" Lama Peaceman took up the cry, indignant.

The crowd mumbled restlessly over it. "Magic helmet?"

"... magic helmet." Lama Pagnor finished, with clear disgust.

Shinji and the chief abbot facepalmed simultaneously. Why were these people so

succeptible?
---
Jon
"And that must have caused my dad's brain to break in half, replaced by a purely mechanical engine of revenge!"

[Black Aeronaut]

*Giggles madly* People up here at the Fleet Recreation Center were probably giving me odd looks as a nearly fell out of my chair! The Late Great Derek Bacon
would have loved that scene.

[Black Aeronaut]

From the recently released chapter of of Taking Sights on Fanfiction.net...

Mister E. Tachiki knocks on his door an hour before dawn. Gendo briefly fantasizes about having his Section-2 escort kill him execution-style. Instead he
shucked off his boxers and answered the door in the buff.

"Commander Ikar-FUCK!"

"No, but thank you for the offer." Evenly, he asked the shorter man, "I assume you have a good reason for waking me?"

Now excuse me while I go someplace to die laughing.

BWAAAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA!!!

[katreus]

Nocte waited for Siyamak to get closer before saying, "I said the pads, didn't I?"
Siyamak didn't care, taking her in his shaking arms and hugging her close. "Nocte... Nocte... Don't ever do that again! Do you know Ebony almost had a heart attack when your flare showed up?"
Nocte wondered about the flare and looked up.
She balked at the sight.
Suspended above the city, written in bold, gold glitter was: NOCTE IS HERE. GET YOUR ASSES HERE – NOW!!
Followed by an arrow pointing down exactly on Nocte.
Nocte stepped away from Siyamak's arms to get a better look as Aman ran to her side.
"I think your sister outdone herself again," Aman pointed out.
"I think so too," Nocte agreed. "But the exclamation marks are a bit excessive."
"I don't know," Aman said, tilting her head to the side. "One could never go wrong with exclamation marks."

-Nocte Yin: A Hero Wannabe.

[DHBirr]

Quote from a decidedly NSFW parody of The Wotch:

Anne: Oh no! She's being stripped and molested by some kind of slimy, tentacled... Oh, right, she's a Japanese schoolgirl. This is normal.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[ECSNorway]

"Okay, Seaman Sanson, this is your safety briefing," the rep said, grinning again. "Be aware that the platform you are using for entry is poorly constructed and may collapse. Be aware that on the far side of the gate you may experience reduced air quality. Be aware that on the far side of the gate you may experience increased or decreased gravitational field. The far side of the gate may not be at ground level and you may experience vertical movement on exit. Upon returning you may find that you do not hit the platform in which case you will experience an approximately twenty-meter fall to ground level. The gate may not return to this same location at all in which case you may find yourself in any location in this universe or in any other universe. The environment suit that you are using is not warranted by the manufacturer for use in any nonterrestrial environment and, therefore, you are using it at your own risk. Do you understand this warning?"

Interdimensional exploration... meet your OSHA rep.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Wiregeek]

The gate may not return to this same location at all in which case you may find yourself in any location in this universe or in any other universe. The environment suit that you are using is not warranted by the manufacturer for use in any nonterrestrial environment and, therefore, you are using it at your own risk. Do you understand this warning?"

That whole freaking SERIES read like a can of easy-cheez that you guiltily squirt directly into your face-hole.

delicious.. but guilty. and with no nutritional value.
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[OpMegs]

Riiiiing… Riiiiing… Riiiiing... Riiiiing… Riiiiing…

"SHINJI!" shouted Misato from the bathroom. "Take a message!"

"I have my hands full!" he yelled from the kitchen.

"REI! Take a message!"

The First Child blinked. "I see." She walked over to the ringing phone and picked it up.

Click

"Hello. You have reached the Katsuragi Residence," said Rei tonelessly, pen and paper ready. "If you would like to leave a message, please
tell me your name and telephone number so Captain Katsuragi will be able to return your call."

The voice on the other end of the line stumbled a bit. "Uh… hi, Misato. It's me, Asuka. I was just calling about the 4th Angel battle. I was
hoping you could forward some video to me. The asshats here are strangling me in red tape. So, um, yeah. Bye."

Click

After Rei transcribed the message she wandered back to her bedroom for a short nap.

---

Meanwhile, around the world in Germany, Asuka Langley Soryu snapped her cell phone shut. "Damn," she said.

"What?" asked Kaji, not looking up from the spy novel in his hands.

"Misato wasn't home. I got her answering machine."

"Huh."

"Really fake, robotic voice too. I thought the Japanese were supposed to have all that hi-tech shiny crap."

"Katsuragi's probably just cheap."

From Chapter 7 of Taking Sights. I swear, for a story
built around Gendo Ikari getting a second shot at things, this is a remarkably funny fic.
---
"Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay
waste."

[CattyNebulart]

from Journey ( http://home.comcast.net/~danielfruth1/ or http://www.fanfiction.net/s/710368/1/Journey )

Ryouga: Because of you I have seen hell.

"Eh? You too? It's actually kind of nice this time of year. Though the neighbors are kinda rowdy. First time I was there they asked to leave just a
few months after I got there," the deity frowned and shook his head sadly. "Can you believe they didn't like orange groves? Now I ask you, what
kind of sicko doesn't like a few thousand acres of oranges. It took a lot of work to get them to grow in the magma too. Damn ungrateful demons."
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Evil Midnight Lurker]

From Warpwizard, a daydream that might become a fic:

Rei floated, suspended and protected from the claim of gravity by the blood-smelling amber thickness of LCL.




Concentrating, Rei remotely activated the program that she had earlier fed into the controls of the AARS (Awareness Amplification and Recording System) whose
activation chamber she was floating in.




* * *




In the upper levels of NERV, Shiguru groaned as a message popped up on his screen declaring that his "important work related download" aka porn,
was being sent to the back of the queue. He glanced around and saw the same message on all the workstations in view.




"What the hell is using up so much outside bandwidth?"




* * *




Rei opened her eyes.




"Internet downloaded. LOLwut."




Rei anticipated using her new skillz to blow Shinji's mind.




"He will be...experienced. Fuzzy handcuffs are go!"




* * *




This led to a scene with Rei declaring, to hilarious effect, "Don't worry Ma'am. We're from the Internet."

--Sam

"Egad! Too much anatomy!"

[Black Aeronaut]

Oh, nevermind... Got too excited.

[ECSNorway]

Sic Semper Morituri strikes again:

"Certainly, you're going to be traipsing around, better to know the major players. 'Hi this is Hino Rei, she works for -' who do you? Never mind. 'She works for another firm, but she'll be catching the occasional spirit and sending them back here. She'll need a Security Clearance, I.D. badge and an exit pass. And if it wouldn't be too much trouble, a guidebook and one of those T-shirts that says 'I visited the Yomi Realm and all I got was this T-shirt, thank God.'"

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[ECSNorway]

From 'The Open Door', sequel to 'Thosuand Shinji':

“All hands, this is the captain speaking. We are currently about to plunge head first into the enemy position, so preparing for impact would be advised at this time. Also, I appear to have decided that today is silly accent day, so crew hands are asked put on their best pirate voice while officers are urged to speak like 19th Century British Royal Navy officers. Stiff upper lip when facing these knaves and all that. What do you say to that?”

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Black Aeronaut]

WTF!? There's a sequel!? *Breaks the sound barrier as he beats feet to FF.net*

[ECSNorway]

For whatever reason, the author has chosen to post it here:

http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic.php?t=123083
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.