ROTFL: The comeback

[Ebony]

Epsilon wrote:

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blackaeronaut wrote:

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O_o; Just how much comedic reference can ya pack into a single scene? Is there some kinda record!?

Yes, it is currently held by Erfworld.




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Epsilon

Dancefighting. 'Nuff said.
Ebony the Black Dragon
http://ebony14.livejournal.com

"Good night, and may the Good Lord take a Viking to you."

[OpMegs]

"Xel, come on. I realize
you're obligated to make these pitches for your 'Beastmistress,' or
whatever, but when have I ever willingly helped a mazoku?" Around a
mouthful of heavily seasoned fish fillet."Ahhh, excellent observation. Oh well! I thought you'd be obstinate, but orders are...orders."
"...You look kinda gloomy all of a sudden." Gulp of wine. “Can’t be just because I said no to your offer.”
"What of it? Isn't a mazoku permitted feelings?" Snappish. Clinking the teacup down. "I hate tea."
"WOAH,
there! I think that's the first time I've ever heard you actually
sounding something aside…like….cheerfully numb. Yeah like…EVER. What's
eatin' ya, big boy?…Heh, what, or who?"
Silence. "Well...that is
a secret. Heh. I really do hate tea...and ceramics...and the color
pink. I loathe pink. Pink is the color of death."
“Huh?”
“DEATH.”
"Uh. Okay. Jeez. You think you’re such mysterious and amazing shit, but you're just SO predictable.”
“Pardon?”
“Look,
I already heard." Smirkily. "About you and Filia. Chin up. You two have
so many tiffs, I really doubt this one is any different, or any harder
to fix. It’s almost like some kind of weird lovers’ ritual to you two."
"Why
did you ask, then, if you have my future so neatly mapped out?"
Sulkily. "And you have no idea...the things she said...what she
implied, after all I had done…why ask?" Pulling a disgusted face.
“There is too much sugar in this tea. I hate tea.”
"HA. Why? Because. I like messing with your oh-so-wise and aged mind."
"You're
as great a son of a bitch as I am, under that smile, aren't you, Lina?"
A trace of amusement now. "Admirable. I salute you. Like so." Raising
his teacup again. "...I REALLY hate tea..."
"I won't deny we're
often on the same wavelength, you and I. And NO is NO, so stop
flattering me. And quit REPEATING yourself, I got it, you hate tea.
Boo, tea!"
"Aw. Typically, flattery gets me everywhere." A pause. "Did I mention that I hate tea? Heheh. Heh."
"Yeah so ANYWAY. You'll recall my..." Shudder. "...sister, Luna, is a Knight of Ceiphied."
"...Uh huh?" Curiously.
"Just like Filia was a priestess of Ceiphied once, and still draws her white magic from the Flare Dragon."
"...Uh...huh." Flatly now.
"Well
Luna's been on a bloody rampage for months, demanding that I ask you
what the hell gives with the way you treated the 'little dragon
priestess' so nastily. So SPILL, mazoku-boy. It's a matter of life and
death for me. Spill, and then go kiss and make up. This falling out
bullshit is pretty damned awkward for the rest of us."
Casual averting of eyes. “…Your sister totally stole my hairstyle. Do you know how freaky it is to see myself with boobs?” Sip.
“DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.”
Down
slams the teacup. Heads turn. "Lina, why don't you follow your own
advice and cozy up to the altruistic blond in YOUR life?" Sharply.
Very, very sharply.
"W…Why are your eyes open?" Shocked.
"I'm
really pissed at you. That. Is. Why." Overly ennunciated. Smiling, but
there is a strange tic, a twitch, in the corner of his lip.
“You NEVER get pissed!"
"Don’t I? Or am I good at hiding it?”
“…Er…”
“Maybe
I get happy. Maybe I get sad too. And CRUSHED, when someone brings up a
fresh wound, just to placate her NOSY HAIR-COPYING SISTER. Maybe you
JUST CAN’T TELL.” Twitch.
“Er I uh…shit…”
“I'm having
fantasies of dicing you into little cubes right now, salting you, and
covering you in mustard and pickle relish, and EATING you, for bringing
up this vexing topic. Got it?" Extremely cheerful, polite, amicable
tones. Twitch though. Twitch, twitch. TWITCH. "WELL?"
"...DA-YAMN."
Oddly impressed. "You really DO love her, don't you? MAN is she ever
under your skin! C'mon, what are you waiting for? Go cuddle your
muffin-poo. Ha. This kind of makes you a freak of nature, you realize
that? A mazoku in LOVE." Taking a hearty chomp out of the fish. And
another gulp of wine.
"Don't use that disgusting word on me. It’s a filthy word. It makes me SICK."
“Love.”
“Like the color pink. And TEA.”
"LOVE. I wonder how that's possible..."
"...LINA..."
"Love love LOOHOOOVE!"
"Agh." Nauseated. Twitch. “Stop.”
"LOVELY
LOVISH LOVE! FLUFFY PINK DRESSES, GOLDEN TAILS, BLOND HAIR, BIG FAT
MACES! CERAMICS AND TEA! TEA TEA TEA! LOVE LOVE LURRRVE! HEY EVERYONE,
THIS GUY'S TOTALLY IN LOVE! WITH A DRAGON! THEY HAVE SURMOUNTED THEIR
DAUNTING SOCIO-CULTURAL DIFFERENCES AND EMBRACED EACH OTHER! HAR!"
A chorus of awws from fellow diners scattered at the various restaurant tables.
“Our socio-WHAT?” TWITCH. “I said stop, damn it…”
“Give the loverboy a big round of applause, folks! In honor of his romance with the lady-dragon, drinks are on the house!”
Thunderous applause.
"I
hate you." TWITCH. Redfaced. Violently blushing. For the first time in
his 1012 years. "You have no idea how cruel you're being, Lina. It's
almost enviable, to a mazoku like me."
"HA!" Brassy. "Whatever, boo hoo. Go get her, tiger. You know you miss her."
"Have a dreadful day, Lina." Snap-whoosh.

- Lina Inverse's relationship counseling services, Chapter 6 of Limbo
---
"Oh, silver blade, forged in the depths of the beyond. Heed my summons and purge those who stand in my way. Lay
waste."

[Black Aeronaut]

*Rolls away on the floor, snickering*

And you just had to get me after watching Nagasarete Airantou.

[Norgarth]

Pink is the color of death.

Considering Lina's official color, this could be taken quite literally.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Shepherd]

With a feral sneer, the boy pulled his fist back, ready to strike.

"HOLD IT!"

The entire group whirled around, and then their eyes widened as they saw who had spoken. "IT'S SNAKE!"

The American nodded, his expression grim. "Kids, let's stop and think about this situation for a moment. Sure, I know that it feels good to hurt
weirdoes like them, but you can't just beat up people for being different!"

The kids looked at each other, confused. "We can't?"

"Of course not! It's dangerously unsafe! Countless teenage brats have met a bloody and somewhat undeserved death picking on individuals who turn
out to be insanely powerful freaks of nature," Snake explained, wagging his finger as the girls' faces darkened. "The SAFE approach to spiting
people for having strange powers or physical traits is to shun them completely, excluding them from the social environment and starving them of human warmth.
It provides the same sense of self-righteous superiority, but fosters a strong desire for friendship rather than revenge in the victim! Which can be a pretty
handy plot device, at times."

"Wow... I never thought of it like that," one of the boys said, turning to his friends.

"You're right! Thanks, Snake!" Another said.

The leader nodded happily. "Now we know!"

Snake gave the boys a thumbs-up. "And knowing is half the battle!"

Guardian: www.fanfiction.net/s/720841/27/Guardian
----------------------------------------------------

"Anyone can be a winner if their definition of victory is flexible enough." - The DM of the Rings XXXV

[DHBirr]

Interfering with evolution in action is a BAD thing. I call upon Saint Darwin to smite this
"Snake" character.
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Necratoid]

You obviously haven't read Guardian... First Snake was primarily interested in getting them to leave said freaks alone so they he can ask them if they have
magic/psionic/mutant tracking skills... Second if said Freaks goes on a rampage its literally his job to deal with it. Third one of said freaks sounded like
she as from Elfen Lied... which would have been his problem. Fourth he was busy tracking Ranma who was inflicted with the T virus at that point. Lastly he is
Snake... read the series to understand the relivance of that.

On a different note, as Snake's theoretically evil robotic duplicate is is currently the Pope (he took the Hat of Popiness and declared himself Pope, only
the old Pope had complaints... and they are universally ignored) I doubt it will happen... even is Snake and the copy are both Jewish. If he isn't smited
by now... he isn't getting smited.

[CattyNebulart]

It's Snake, Darwin would know better than to try and smite him. Survival of the fittest after all, and anyone hunting Snake is very unfit, mentally
speaking. Or they just have a deathwish.
E: "Did they... did they just endorse the combination of the JSDF and US Army by showing them as two lesbian lolicons moving in together and holding hands and talking about how 'intimate' they were?"
B: "Have you forgotten so soon? They're phasing out Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

[Epsilon]

Posted in response to http://poetv.com/video.php?vid=56644

LEGION OF DOOM EVIL PLAN LIST FOR APRIL 2ND, 2009:

-Lex Luthor proposes that we destroy Superman once and for all by utilizing the full potential of his Nazi Gorilla Factory.

-Scarecrow proposes handing out haunted Gameboys to the world's children, then stealing their pocket change as they are eaten by ghosts. This will lure
Batman out of hiding, and to his doom.

-Captain Cold has discovered The Flash's weakness: his crippling fear of donkeys. He proposes we kidnap him, and leave him at...THE WORLD'S BIGGEST
DONKEY FARM.

-Brainiac has a special gift in store for Hawkman's birthday. A birthday cake....MADE OF COBRAS. And those cobras are made of knives.

-The Riddler has a riddle for Robin: what carries a laser rifle and is red all over? SPACE BOLSHEVIKS!

-For the 917th consecutive time, Bizzaro's plan doesn't make any fucking sense.

-Black Manta proposes that Aquaman should "meet his doom." Details of said doom-meeting are forthcoming due to a delayed funding request, but
tentative plans call for an evil submarine which shoots smaller, even more evil submarines.

-Sinestro has just returned from Planet Yellowgun, where all their guns and bullets are yellow. He cannot wait to see Green Lantern again.

-Giganta has put in her third request to receive a new arch-enemy, stating that yesterday, she distracted Wonder Woman for ten minutes by placing a box
containing two paper clips, some masking tape and a tennis ball in front of her. She demands a new nemesis on the grounds that "I have a right to some
fucking self-respect."

---------------------

Epsilon

[DHBirr]

It's not about freedom of religion at all -- it's the "special qualities" that come in handy.

-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[Norgarth]

From Babylon 5, episode 1:21, "The Quality of Mercy",

Sinclair: I'm still waiting for an explanation, gentlemen.

Londo: Yes, and I'm prepared to give you one, Commander, as soon as the room stops spinning.

Sinclair: This station creates gravity by rotation. It never stops spinning.

Londo: Well, you begin to see my problem.
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[ECSNorway]

I'm sorry, but I had to quote from "Through the Looking-Glass" again. Ringo and Travis FTW.

"Now," Weaver said, not even looking up. "We're going to Disney World."

The staff duty officer had been reluctant to part with a Humvee and driver but when Weaver pointed out that he was going to be a making a report to the President in the morning, not to mention looking for where the Titcher might break through next, things got remarkably easier. The yawning driver took them down the almost deserted Greenway until it connected to Interstate 4 then turned south to County Road 535. More turns led to a guard-shack manned by a young guard in a blue uniform and a nylon jacket sporting an embroidered mouse that was world famous.

"Can I help you?" the guard said, looking at the driver of the Humvee. The only one available at that time of night was a recon Humvee that still had a 40mm grenade launcher mounted.

"Yes," Weaver said, leaning over the driver. "Could you direct me to Bear Island Road?"

"Sir, this is a restricted area," the guard said. "I understand that you think you need to enter here but we're considered a top target of terrorism. Nobody gets in without a pass that has to be preapproved by the security office. I don't see a pass. No pass, no entry."

"Too bad," Weaver said with a smile. "My orders from the national security advisor and the gun on the top of this thing, not to mention the very pissed off and sleepy SEAL in the back means I can go anywhere. Now, could you direct me to Bear Island Road?"

Chief Miller had just laid his head down for the first time in two days when he'd felt somebody kicking his boot.

"Come on, Miller, the game's afoot," Weaver had said, tossing him his M-4.

"What now?" Miller said, standing up. He was almost instantly awake but that didn't mean he was rested. He looked at his watch and groaned. "Jesus, I just got off the horn to SOCOM an hour ago!"

"You're a SEAL? You're complaining about a little sleep? Besides, how long were you out in Shands?"

"What?" Miller asked. "UNCONSCIOUSNESS does not COUNT."

"Whatever, come on. . . ."

So he was in no mood to be held up by some rent-a-cop. And he'd been waiting most of his adult life for a moment like this.

"Son," he said, popping his head up through the gunner's hatch and training the MK-19 until it was pointed vaguely at the guard. "We're in no mood for Mickey Mouse. Get out of the road."

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Norgarth]

From the sequel to 'Through the Looking Glass':

"Whenever you really get something in quantum mechanics, you're required to roll a sanity check." - PFC Eric 'Two-Gun' Bergstresser
(Vorpal Blade)
___________________________
"I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." - George Carlin

[Wiregeek]

that was a fun series. TOTAL Cool Overload, but very fun.
"No can brain today. Want cheezeburger."
From NGE: Nobody Dies, by Gregg Landsman
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5579457/1/NGE_Nobody_Dies

[ECSNorway]

This is a delicious little Naruto omake that I just had to share.

Kakashi hadn’t been joking when he told her that becoming an iryou-nin would be difficult. After filling her brain with medical information, memorizing procedures over and over again, and practicing a few times, Sakura finally summoned up the courage to volunteer at one of the hospitals for more hands-on experience. She knew it was going to be hard and stressful, but it well exceeded her expectations. However, she’d be lying if she said that she didn’t enjoy the work. After all, she was volunteering four times a week and demonstrating such proficiency that the doctors took special note of her. Thus, Sakura found herself with a surprise this particular day.

“Eh? They want me to handle a case?” Sakura stared in shock at the folder the nurse handed to her.

“Hai, Sakura-san. We’ve been understaffed lately and the doctors are swamped. They’ve been very impressed with you these past couple of months and want you to demonstrate just how good you are. They said to think of it as a trial by fire,” the nurse smiled encouragingly.

Sakura swallowed hard and tried to calm her racing pulse. ‘Stay focused. It’s just like usual rounds without a doctor there. You don’t need the safety net. You got this.’

“Ganbatte, Sakura-san.” The nurse bowed and left to attend to her duties.

“Yoshi,” Sakura whispered. “I got this.” ‘Kick some ass, shannaro!’ She made her way to the patient’s room and glanced at the sleeping, somewhat heavyweight occupant before beginning to read the file. “Big guy,” she commented under her breath. “‘Forty-two year old male, presented with swelling and pain in the left thigh…unemployed…’ My first actual case and I get something like tendonitis?”

“You’re a moron.”

Sakura whipped around at the sudden, cynical voice that ripped through her thoughts. “E…excuse me?” she stuttered, bewildered at the man who stood in the doorway.

“What, you didn’t notice me? You really don’t pay attention, do you?” he scoffed, reaching into his jacket and shoving a few of its contents into his mouth.

Her temper flared. “Who do you think you—”

“Your patient smokes pretty heavily.” The man limped into the room with a cane and made his way around the bed.

“How do you know he—” She was interrupted by shushing sounds.

“Nicotine stains on his finger. Still talking here; shut up. Then you add in the fact that he’s not exactly fit since he probably lazes around all day without a job…” He poked the patient in his abundant abdomen for emphasis.

“What are you doing?” she hissed.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s a sound sleeper,” he replied sarcastically. “And finally, the ‘swelling’ is actually an edema. Put it all together and you have…?” He held out his hands expectantly.

“…Deep vein thrombosis?” Sakura asked confusedly.

“Oh good, you’re not completely hopeless.” When she opened her mouth to protest, he lifted the patient’s blanket. “Plus, if you had actually taken a look at the guy’s leg, you would’ve known immediately.”

Indeed, to Sakura’s shame, she saw that the visible veins in the patient’s thigh were engorged. There was a clattering noise and the sound of a drawer opening and closing, and Sakura looked up to see the casually-dressed intruder swab rubbing alcohol on the patient’s arm before stabbing a needle into it. There was a sleepy “Ow” as he woke up and his eyes fluttered open.

“Sorry,” the unorthodox doctor said insincerely. “Lots of skin to go through.” He looked up at the awakening man. “Relax, you’re dreaming. Go back to the cake-eating contest or whatever.” The patient blinked, shrugged and did as he said. Securing the vial of blood, the man limped back to the doorway. “Nurse!” he bellowed. One came immediately and he handed the container to her. “Check the D-dimer levels to confirm for DVT, then get me some urokinase and heparin.” The nurse just stared at him like he had grown an extra eye. “You can either continue to stand there gaping like an idiot, or you can help prevent Tiny over there,” he jerked his left thumb at the patient, “from going into respiratory distress because of a pulmonary embolism.” That seemed to snap her out of it and she quickly moved to follow his command. He turned back to gaze at Sakura. “I would’ve had you do that cool chakra thing and break the clot up yourself, but at this rate, you’d most likely end up severing the poor guy’s femoral artery or something.”

Sakura grit her teeth harder. “How’d you know I’m a ninja?”

“Your hand’s been twitching and steadily moving towards your thigh, where a weapons pouch should be. Poor career choice, really; having that kind of hair doesn’t exactly scream, ‘Fear me for I am a mysterious warrior of the night.’” She growled in frustration and moved forward, clenching her fists. “Ah-ah-ah!” He held up his cane. “Cripple. Don’t be a bully.” She scowled darkly and restrained herself. He gave a self-satisfied smile and made his way out, calling, “You can handle the rest, right? Gotta make yourself somewhat useful.”

Sakura settled for viciously throwing the file in her hand at the wall. “Jerk,” she muttered.

House. In Konoha. Drool.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Black Aeronaut]

Dear sweet God, man! Give us the link!

[ECSNorway]

I wish there was more.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4701367/1/Kyouchouriki is the story it was attached to, but it was
just an omake. What I posted is all there is.

Suggestion: Go. Read the fic. Review it. Tell the author you want more of the House omake.
--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[ECSNorway]

More Random Stuff:

Next Chapter:

"I have recently been made aware that it is apparently traditional for newcomers to Nerima to kidnap a member of your household. Far be it from me to go against the established convention. Sandstone? Gently, if you will."

"Oh, oh my!"

Not quite a return to normalcy.

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[ECSNorway]

More total insanity:

That was, perhaps, his crowning achievement. Forty of the most beautiful women in the Milky Way galaxy, all pandering to his every whim (he had even, centuries ago, imported bamboo-chewing animals from Earth, especially so that the girls could whim to his every panda, but the pandas had failed to breed in captivity and died out).

--
Sucrose Octanitrate.
Proof positive that with sufficient motivation, you can make anything explode.

[Jenova Silverstar]

Pop!

"Holy shit!" Dick stared wild-eyed at the guy now standing in the middle of the kitchen.

"Hi," the young man said. His accent was British. "I'm looking for a bloke named Alfred."

"Who are you and how did you get in here?" Bruce commanded calmly. The man turned to him. He was of about average height, with a slim build,
messy black hair and green eyes. He was smirking slightly.

"Hi," he said cheerfully, ignoring the question. "I'm Harry. Alfred around?"

"And just who are you?" Alfred demanded.

"Uncle Alfred!" a female voice cried. They all turned to see a young blonde woman removing a silvery cloak, rippling into existence as she did
so.

Bruce glanced at Alfred to see him looking as though he'd seen a ghost.

"Luna? Little Luna?" he croaked. "You look just like your mother. Why, last time I saw you you only came up to my waist!"

"You know these people?" Dick asked.

"I do indeed know this young lady, Master Dick," Alfred agreed. "She is my niece, Luna Lovegood. I confess however that this young man is a
complete stranger to me."

"Harry Potter," the young man introduced himself.

"Oh my." Bruce had very rarely seen Alfred look flabbergasted before. "The Harry Potter, I presume?"

"He's my boyfriend," Luna explained dreamily.

"That I am," Harry agreed. "On both counts."

"Alfred," Bruce was completely lost by now, "could you explain who these people are?"

"Sorry, sir. As I said, this is my niece Luna, and she is apparently dating Mr Potter. Mr Potter is something of a celebrity in Britain."

"He's also known as Lord Black, the Boy-Who-Lived, Witch Weekly's Most Eligible Bachelor for three years running, The Chosen One, the Dark
Lord Slayer, and Oh-Fucking-Merlin-It's-Him," Luna added helpfully.

--And Now For Something Completely Different
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
--Dr. Seuss

[robkelk]

And from the same story:

He was gonna die, he knew it. After all his amazing escapes from Dark Lords, and basilisks, and vampires, he was going to die in a traffic accident...

...in a Batmobile, admittedly, which set it apart from an ordinary traffic accident, but still.

--
Rob Kelk
"Governments have no right to question the loyalty of those who oppose
them. Adversaries remain citizens of the same state, common subjects of
the same sovereign, servants of the same law."

- Michael Ignatieff, addressing Stanford University in 2012

[Black Aeronaut]

"He's also known as Lord Black, the Boy-Who-Lived, Witch Weekly's Most Eligible Bachelor for three years running, The Chosen One, the Dark Lord
Slayer, and Oh-Fucking-Merlin-It's-Him," Luna added helpfully

That last title just completely and utterly killed me. It doesn't help that my DIVO happened to be in the same room going over old records.

[DHBirr]

Ditto blackaeronaut's comment on the last title (minus the DIVO).
-----
Big Brother is watching you.  And damn, you are so bloody BORING.

[SkyeFire]

Next Chapter:




"I have recently been made aware that it is apparently traditional for newcomers to Nerima to kidnap a member of your household. Far be it from me to go
against the established convention. Sandstone? Gently, if you will."




"Oh, oh my!"




Not quite a return to normalcy.

Hey, what, no link to this one? It sounds like someone from the Dark Kingdom kidnapping Kasumi....

[yesilmavi]

That's from http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4817913/1/Lord_Ranma

by http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1052054/Chibi-Reaper

Most of that guy's writing is funny. (imho)